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Today we're going to talk about common struggles like burnout, guilt, and the myth of balance –and share practical tips with you that you can start using today. Whether you're in the thick of raising littles or navigating those teen years, this episode is for you.
We go deep with life coach and mom, Lauren Nanni, on how to feel “unstuck” in various parts of our lives. We share how to live with more intention as a parent, especially when life feels overwhelming, and talk honestly about the struggle to find balance between parenting and fulfilling our own purpose.
For more information on Life Coach, Lauren Nanni:
IG: @lonanni
Reach out to Dr. Sarah:
Have questions about today’s episode, or anything else related to the health and wellness of your family? Leave a comment below, write us an email or upload a voice memo, to growingupwithdr.sarah@gmail.com and we’ll try and address your questions or play your questions on an episode.
#habitstacking #avoidingguilt #parentalguilt #momcoach #lifecoaching #intentional life #parenthood #fillyourcup #emptybeaker #makingsauce #familymeals #meaningful #mundane #reframe limiting beliefs #managing expectations #ByronKatie #No resistance #fighting reality #avoidfailure #overcommunication #microshifts #macrowins #TonyRobbins
ABOUT Dr. Sarah:
Looking for a place to educate you and your family to live your best lives? Welcome to “Growing Up with Dr. Sarah,” where we take on and really talk about general health and wellness, parental issues, family matters, and real-life challenges that affect every single one of us. Being a pediatrician, while having a mother's perspective, has given me unique insight and experience on what we all need to do better to live healthier, happier, and stronger as individuals, and as families.
The success of the family starts from the top, and by helping parents and caregivers by addressing tough questions and everyday concerns we can all benefit from, including parents, grandparents, kids, or anyone who cares for another. So join me and some of my special guests: physicians, nutritionists, fitness experts, community members, coaches, teachers, even kids, and parents –and let’s all make a commitment to growing up together!
Check out previous episodes of “Growing Up with Dr. Sarah” at www.growingupwithdrsarah.com
WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, if I want to get out of survival mode, I've got it once again, hit pause in the things that I'm doing and decide what's working and what's not.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Where am I feeling like I'm barely treading water and what needs to change?
00:14.218 --> 00:19.981
[SPEAKER_01]: Like being willing to say, like, this is working and this isn't, and what can I do about it?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you raising your family while also feeling like you're still growing out yourself?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you wonder if you are getting it right?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Or do you ask where is the roadmap to building a happy healthy life?
00:34.244 --> 00:36.646
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Growing Up with Dr. Sarah.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She's a pediatrician and a mom, and she helps the whole family.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Hi, I'm Dr. Sarah Adams, a board certified pediatrician, but I'm not your pediatrician.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Feel free to use my podcast as helpful information, but in no way do I intend my podcast to replace the advice of your physician.
00:56.988 --> 01:01.834
[SPEAKER_02]: Your physician knows you and is in the best position to provide medical advice.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to Growing Up with Dr. Sarah.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Today's episode is all about something many of us struggle with, but don't often talk about how to live with more intention as a parent, especially when life feels overwhelming.
01:27.405 --> 01:32.068
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll talk about common struggles like burnout, guilt, and the myth of balance.
01:32.468 --> 01:35.490
[SPEAKER_02]: And share practical tips you can start using today.
01:36.090 --> 01:42.073
[SPEAKER_02]: Whether you're in the thick of raising littles or navigating the team years, this episode is for you.
01:42.754 --> 01:56.982
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm joined by a special guest, a life coach and a fellow mom, Lauren Manney, who helps women get unstuck, reconnect with their goals, and build a life that works for their family, not just around it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back, Lauren.
01:58.483 --> 02:03.266
[SPEAKER_02]: It's always great when I get to talk to you about one of my favorite topics, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Here in hood.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks so much for having me back.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited to be here.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I'm always impressed by the work that you do as a life coach and one of the programs that you developed was called Design Your Life.
02:17.794 --> 02:18.014
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about designing your life as a parent.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And what does that really mean?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my favorite topic.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So designing your life as a parent, you know, this is really about taking a second, right, hitting pause on just like the automatic unconscious behaviors, patterns like how we just consistently show up and asking ourselves, like, who do I want to be?
02:40.677 --> 02:42.237
[SPEAKER_01]: Who do I want to be as a mom?
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[SPEAKER_01]: How do I want to live my life with this new person involved?
02:47.918 --> 02:50.539
[SPEAKER_01]: Or are you already in the thick of parenting?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I want to redesign how I've been doing things and really bringing yourself into the awareness of, I get to choose.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I have a choice and how am I going to make it happen versus just assuming that this is how it has to be or this is how I should do it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Figuring that out.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's exactly what you said.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You get to design how you live your life and how you get, how you parent through that as well.
03:22.252 --> 03:22.572
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
03:23.213 --> 03:37.824
[SPEAKER_01]: And really, if I had to break down the word design, I think about it like, you know, deciding intentionally, this is what I want and then going through your life and learning how to create it, learning how to pivot when things don't go your way, learning how to bring it to life.
03:38.164 --> 03:43.030
[SPEAKER_01]: Learning how to implement it in your current circumstances while you're working on changing other things.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like you are a designer.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You're laying out the plans and then when you get in there, things might not always go as planned but also believing that like I have the capabilities to still do something about this.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I know sometimes parents, well, maybe not sometimes.
03:59.053 --> 04:03.656
[SPEAKER_02]: Many parents feel stuck in that survival mode, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: They're just going day to day.
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[SPEAKER_02]: How can they begin to shift towards a more intentional way of living?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so good.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I first of all, I think being intentional is such a game changer for every area of your life, but especially when, you know, we show up to take care of other people.
04:24.276 --> 04:33.022
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like if I want to get out of survival mode, I've got to once again hit pause on the things that I'm doing and decide like what's working and what's not.
04:33.923 --> 04:34.123
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
04:34.223 --> 04:37.965
[SPEAKER_01]: Where am I feeling like I'm barely treading water in what needs to change?
04:38.386 --> 04:44.149
[SPEAKER_01]: Like being willing to say like this is working and this isn't and what can I do about it?
04:45.323 --> 04:52.766
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and for me when I feel like, oh my gosh, there's, like, piling on the to-do's, I'm getting behind, like, all that stuff just starts adding up.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I know that I need to take a, calling it a second.
04:56.287 --> 05:05.470
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to take a couple minutes and night or something and like, you know, look at my calendar either talk to my husband, like, communicate, like, put plans in place.
05:06.130 --> 05:08.532
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the train is just going to keep going off the tracks.
05:08.992 --> 05:12.455
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do believe I have the power to change that.
05:12.495 --> 05:13.816
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a belief that really serves me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to be intentional with it.
05:16.038 --> 05:16.198
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
05:16.238 --> 05:20.782
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like, if intentionally, I'm going to design each day to the best of my abilities.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What are some of those daily mindset habits or routines that you suggest that can really help parents feel more grounded and empowered and not feel like they're just treading water?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
05:35.643 --> 05:36.844
[SPEAKER_01]: So I feel like I've two.
05:36.864 --> 05:44.528
[SPEAKER_01]: One that's like recently really been helping me is that I look at the month kind of like zoom out and look at the whole month.
05:45.109 --> 05:48.670
[SPEAKER_01]: I had this story for so long that I was always behind on the things.
05:48.710 --> 05:52.793
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a social responsibility is like buying the gifts, bringing the appetizer.
05:52.833 --> 05:54.253
[SPEAKER_01]: I committed to like three weeks ago.
05:54.294 --> 05:58.716
[SPEAKER_01]: Like so many things would pile up that I was always just like, I can't get it right.
05:58.756 --> 05:59.997
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I can't get my stuff together.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so I decided finally because I'm a person that's really motivated by pain.
06:04.420 --> 06:10.144
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you can be motivated by pain or pleasure, but like what gets me going to actually change is like I can't do this anymore.
06:10.364 --> 06:14.987
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I can't be going to the store five minutes before a party buying the card, right?
06:15.567 --> 06:18.069
[SPEAKER_01]: And then everybody else in the car stressed out, I rushed everybody.
06:18.569 --> 06:22.192
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what I've been doing is I look at the month and it's entirety and I try to just plan ahead.
06:22.232 --> 06:23.273
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I just take a look.
06:23.693 --> 06:26.015
[SPEAKER_01]: First is always like being surprised, right?
06:26.035 --> 06:27.195
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, oh, it's already here.
06:27.656 --> 06:31.158
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, what can I do now to get myself ready for that?
06:32.299 --> 06:35.100
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I check in every single day.
06:35.881 --> 06:38.062
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I like to say, like, we have to remember to remember.
06:38.382 --> 06:43.786
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I have to remember to look at the calendar for the things that I said I was going to do, right?
06:43.826 --> 06:45.887
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like one put it on your calendar and two remember.
06:46.768 --> 06:47.568
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember to look at it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: For sure.
06:48.869 --> 06:49.430
[SPEAKER_02]: I've, I've
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[SPEAKER_02]: found myself forgetting to look at it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I like your perspective of look at the whole month instead of but also checking day to day because if you have a big picture and then you're checking in day to day, you're less likely for those things to fall through the cracks like you mentioned.
07:09.225 --> 07:13.768
[SPEAKER_02]: And I know some people might be listening like a birthday present or even a birthday party.
07:14.148 --> 07:14.969
[SPEAKER_02]: I used to say this.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I know for a fact and can I still remember like now what thirty years later about a birthday party.
07:22.533 --> 07:25.355
[SPEAKER_02]: I totally forgot to take Ben to one time.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And again, that was thirty years ago.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I still remember it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So obviously it meant something to me.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So even those little things can really mean a lot.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely and I also think like finding something like that's kind of like maybe a strategy but for me I'm like how am I going to start my day like or how I'm going to start my day is going to determine usually how it kicks off and how it like it expands into my morning to my afternoon and I'm like I need to do something simple to feel good whether that's like I go on a walk with my friend or I sit for five minutes in silence or with my journal instead of my phone I'm like
08:03.717 --> 08:08.520
[SPEAKER_01]: I can only control me and I've got to take all of that energy and place it here, right?
08:08.560 --> 08:10.001
[SPEAKER_01]: And what's going to fill my cup?
08:10.121 --> 08:11.602
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going to help me empty my beaker?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like what's going to make me feel good?
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[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
08:15.505 --> 08:27.373
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that analogy filling your cup and emptying your beaker all that both two things that are so important that we forget because if we don't empty it just overflows, overflows, right?
08:27.453 --> 08:30.975
[SPEAKER_02]: But we also need to find meaning and filling it up as well.
08:31.522 --> 08:32.963
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, totally.
08:32.983 --> 08:35.504
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like some activities can do the same thing.
08:36.045 --> 08:40.087
[SPEAKER_01]: They can empty your beaker and they can fill your cup, which is always two for one who doesn't love that.
08:41.556 --> 08:45.298
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, especially as busy parents, time savers are always a good thing.
08:45.438 --> 08:45.718
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, this is such thoughtful and structural practical advice.
08:50.360 --> 08:53.642
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us what exactly is a life coach?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I'd love to hear more about your background and how you come to work as a life coach and do so as the perspective of a mom.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so life coach is basically somebody that helps you do the things that you say you want to do, right?
09:10.301 --> 09:15.703
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I help you go from point A to point B and work through all of that mind drama in the middle, right?
09:15.763 --> 09:18.544
[SPEAKER_01]: All the times like that fear pops up like you get blocked.
09:18.584 --> 09:19.505
[SPEAKER_01]: You saw you quit.
09:19.545 --> 09:20.085
[SPEAKER_01]: You go back.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I just hope you keep going.
09:23.076 --> 09:25.278
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop stopping keep going so that you can get there.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We're here to live our most fulfilled authentic life.
09:29.562 --> 09:30.463
[SPEAKER_01]: That is invaluable.
09:31.104 --> 09:34.126
[SPEAKER_01]: I believe that is my mission here on Earth to do that.
09:34.567 --> 09:40.853
[SPEAKER_01]: My professional personal mission is to promote possibility because when you focus on what can be possible, you keep going.
09:41.393 --> 09:44.036
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I always said, like, I was someone that was really stuck.
09:44.076 --> 09:47.059
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I had these goals and these dreams, but I kept bumping up.
09:47.560 --> 09:52.445
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, if I just show up today and focus on what could be possible, like, eventually, something's got to give.
09:52.785 --> 09:54.547
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I just got to see what could happen today.
09:55.127 --> 09:56.149
[SPEAKER_01]: And it worked, right?
09:56.189 --> 09:57.250
[SPEAKER_01]: But it took me a long time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so now my mission here is to save people a lot of time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Because we got lives to live, and we want to feel good and we deserve to feel good.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm very proud of you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And in full disclosure, I'd love to share that one of my favorite experts is my very own daughter-in-law.
10:15.761 --> 10:21.184
[SPEAKER_02]: So I often get to see up close and personal how you put to practice what you write about.
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[SPEAKER_02]: How do you do so as a perspective of a mom now in regards to being a life coach?
10:28.508 --> 10:42.372
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's kind of funny because I had no idea that the work I started to do on myself over a decade now would be the most invaluable work tools ships that I use as a mom.
10:42.812 --> 10:45.853
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I didn't even know it was going to translate into that.
10:46.773 --> 10:46.953
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
10:47.033 --> 10:50.637
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that really comes back to basically all the things that I shared.
10:50.957 --> 10:53.160
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I can't control her.
10:53.180 --> 10:53.800
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can maybe minimize or put like boundaries on what she can and can't do.
10:58.044 --> 11:00.507
[SPEAKER_01]: But like she's going to show up as who she wants to be that day.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But like when I go inward, when I decide, when I take care of me, like I show up so much better for her.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
11:08.895 --> 11:12.377
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I know that there's going to be bumps in the road.
11:12.457 --> 11:14.377
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that things are going to go as planned.
11:14.838 --> 11:16.658
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that emotions are going to be high and low.
11:16.698 --> 11:19.099
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, I can handle this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
11:19.419 --> 11:21.440
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I believe I can figure it out.
11:22.121 --> 11:22.961
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be messy.
11:23.301 --> 11:25.962
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to know all the time, but I'm willing to figure it out.
11:26.002 --> 11:27.703
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, that thought just really serves me.
11:27.723 --> 11:29.184
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like I've never done this before.
11:29.204 --> 11:32.465
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not going to tell myself, like, I should have an answer to every single thing.
11:32.905 --> 11:36.866
[SPEAKER_01]: But like following my gut, listening to what I need, asking for help.
11:36.906 --> 11:41.127
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I really believe they're just, you know, some of the tools that have just really helped.
11:42.367 --> 11:47.828
[SPEAKER_02]: And when you say her, if it's okay that I mentioned you're talking about your own daughter.
11:48.229 --> 11:50.029
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I have a daughter named Ava.
11:50.049 --> 11:53.910
[SPEAKER_01]: She's going to be too in August and she is the best, but I'm biased.
11:54.987 --> 12:09.783
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I'm a little biased too, but I get it because you know, I remember listening so I'm in one of Lawrence programs called Promoting Possibility and she's a great talk called Mom's Life and
12:10.323 --> 12:17.606
[SPEAKER_02]: It's awesome when you think about it because even as kids change, we have to change.
12:17.986 --> 12:21.547
[SPEAKER_02]: And as parents, we become overwhelmed.
12:21.747 --> 12:23.007
[SPEAKER_02]: We become burnt out.
12:23.228 --> 12:25.248
[SPEAKER_02]: And sometimes even just stuck.
12:25.608 --> 12:30.110
[SPEAKER_02]: So what do you say to parents who are feeling that, feeling that overwhelmed that burnout?
12:31.676 --> 12:37.462
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would assume kind of you're talking about like those tough moments or just like maybe like burnout over time.
12:38.283 --> 12:46.230
[SPEAKER_01]: Something that I have experienced in my like short window of, you know, being a mom is that those tough moments pass.
12:48.112 --> 12:52.094
[SPEAKER_01]: They're gonna come back around, but like, not everything is permanent.
12:52.135 --> 12:55.737
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we get into that, that mindset that like, this is just how it is forever now.
12:56.357 --> 12:58.719
[SPEAKER_01]: But like, I'm for like, sleep, for instance.
12:58.779 --> 13:03.202
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like sometimes she's like a great sleeper, and then we'll go through a stretch of like, nothing works.
13:03.582 --> 13:05.503
[SPEAKER_01]: We're like in the hallway pushing an astrologer.
13:05.523 --> 13:06.503
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going for a drive.
13:06.523 --> 13:07.863
[SPEAKER_01]: We're like something like that.
13:07.883 --> 13:10.464
[SPEAKER_01]: And it feels like, oh, this is just how she's going to be now.
13:10.884 --> 13:13.765
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've just seen over time that, like, that doesn't last.
13:13.825 --> 13:15.145
[SPEAKER_01]: It's usually like a couple of days.
13:15.646 --> 13:17.786
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, and I just place my focus on that.
13:17.806 --> 13:20.107
[SPEAKER_01]: And I place my focus on helping her.
13:20.647 --> 13:24.628
[SPEAKER_01]: That helps me stay out of, you know, my stories and my drama, you know.
13:25.008 --> 13:26.309
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just am like, how can I help?
13:26.429 --> 13:27.009
[SPEAKER_01]: How can I help?
13:28.018 --> 13:34.499
[SPEAKER_01]: But I also, when I'm feeling overwhelmed and really burned out, I'm asking for help from somebody else, too, if I can.
13:34.539 --> 13:34.899
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
13:35.419 --> 13:35.780
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
13:36.280 --> 13:40.060
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I've learned my limits in my capacity.
13:40.821 --> 13:46.542
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm willing to say I need someone to step in, even it's like five minutes, or can you try to put her to sleep?
13:46.582 --> 13:47.482
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I'll come back in.
13:48.002 --> 13:52.503
[SPEAKER_01]: But I just think being able to ask for help is also a skill, too, if you can.
13:53.803 --> 13:57.646
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm going to, I have two comments about that and thanks for sharing that.
13:58.066 --> 14:10.795
[SPEAKER_02]: I remember my own mom would tell me this two show pass and that's, you know, people have heard that phrase before, but that really helped me because for those moments that you feel
14:11.395 --> 14:30.458
[SPEAKER_02]: again like you said overwhelmed and think it's just like a roller coaster sometimes being a parent and what goes up comes down and there's some easy days and and so let's talk about that balance like do you believe in it or is it something is there something else we should be striving for
14:30.978 --> 14:31.718
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that word.
14:31.799 --> 14:32.639
[SPEAKER_01]: It gets me good.
14:32.839 --> 14:36.161
[SPEAKER_01]: I've always been so annoyed with it.
14:36.581 --> 14:40.183
[SPEAKER_01]: It just goes back long, long time ago, but I'm just like, what is that?
14:40.263 --> 14:41.143
[SPEAKER_01]: What is balance?
14:41.163 --> 14:47.106
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't feel like I've ever lived a balanced life if we're talking about things being equal, fifty, fifty.
14:47.987 --> 14:52.889
[SPEAKER_01]: Like even when I was in school, like I was a student majority of my days, and then I went to play sports.
14:53.229 --> 14:57.992
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and so, or like, when you're like really little, you're just playing and you're hanging and you're doing that, but like,
14:58.812 --> 15:02.796
[SPEAKER_01]: balance, like, you know, to me, nothing was ever really equal, and then I'm in adults.
15:02.816 --> 15:05.058
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you spend your time working or traveling.
15:05.119 --> 15:12.046
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, or working or with your kids, or to me, it's never, ever been fifty-fifty, and I don't think we need that to feel good.
15:12.506 --> 15:21.115
[SPEAKER_01]: What I think that we are asking for and what I have seen working with people one-on-one is that we want more intention, more organization, and reprioritization.
15:22.715 --> 15:38.742
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, yeah, I don't spend the same amount of time in the gym as I do at work or as I do with Eva, but I don't need the same amount of time in the gym for it to work for me, for it to make me feel better, for it's in it my physical balls, but also like my mental health, like I just don't need eight hours.
15:39.222 --> 15:40.803
[SPEAKER_01]: I just, I sometimes I just need thirty minutes.
15:41.183 --> 15:41.463
[SPEAKER_01]: If that
15:42.408 --> 15:42.568
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
15:42.608 --> 15:44.049
[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't need it to be equal.
15:44.369 --> 15:46.870
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to get on the calendar and I need it to be consistent.
15:47.611 --> 15:53.714
[SPEAKER_02]: If you like today's episode so far and it hits close to home for you, please like and subscribe to the podcast.
15:54.094 --> 15:57.596
[SPEAKER_02]: It just takes one click and please share it with other parents.
15:58.016 --> 16:02.579
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you have topics, you'd like me to discuss here on growing up with Dr. Sarah.
16:03.040 --> 16:07.989
[SPEAKER_02]: Reach out to us, leave us a voice message, instructions or in the description box below.
16:08.449 --> 16:12.897
[SPEAKER_02]: Stick with me, our Life Coach has some practical tools that everyone can use.
16:14.127 --> 16:15.928
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, same with like social outing.
16:15.948 --> 16:17.630
[SPEAKER_01]: Some like, yeah, I'd love to see my friends.
16:17.770 --> 16:19.051
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to prioritize that more.
16:19.691 --> 16:26.136
[SPEAKER_01]: But I know that like, I don't necessarily get that as much as I do working or being at home or whatever it might be.
16:26.977 --> 16:27.918
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's okay.
16:28.378 --> 16:29.159
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm good with that.
16:29.239 --> 16:30.720
[SPEAKER_01]: And I can increase it if I want.
16:31.260 --> 16:35.003
[SPEAKER_01]: But knowing that it doesn't have to be equal in order for it to make me feel better or feel that social cut.
16:35.404 --> 16:42.889
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that's where it comes back to like really designing your life is like hitting pause and saying, what do I need more of or what do I need less of?
16:43.610 --> 16:47.091
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I want to add something to the burnout comment, I really do believe.
16:47.131 --> 16:49.812
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's like, there's a power in saying no to things.
16:50.312 --> 16:53.053
[SPEAKER_01]: Because sometimes it's just simply too much, right?
16:53.173 --> 16:55.974
[SPEAKER_01]: Or doing things we don't really want to do to please everybody else.
16:56.294 --> 16:59.095
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think there is a time in a place to say, what do I need?
16:59.595 --> 16:59.855
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
17:00.395 --> 17:02.336
[SPEAKER_01]: And under promise over deliver.
17:02.716 --> 17:04.277
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I will see if I can make it.
17:04.377 --> 17:04.957
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure.
17:05.137 --> 17:05.857
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll do my best.
17:06.017 --> 17:07.057
[SPEAKER_01]: And then if you can't, great.
17:07.438 --> 17:08.858
[SPEAKER_01]: And if not, it's like, we didn't commit.
17:11.048 --> 17:15.030
[SPEAKER_02]: I heard someone say once that no is a full sentence.
17:15.510 --> 17:15.910
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
17:16.290 --> 17:16.610
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes.
17:16.730 --> 17:18.751
[SPEAKER_02]: So let that sink in a little bit.
17:18.951 --> 17:21.492
[SPEAKER_02]: No is a complete sentence.
17:21.953 --> 17:24.374
[SPEAKER_02]: And it took me a long time to realize that.
17:24.494 --> 17:26.594
[SPEAKER_02]: And I know many of us feel that.
17:27.475 --> 17:32.277
[SPEAKER_02]: But what I also found out is that the more I really knew my limits.
17:32.957 --> 17:39.658
[SPEAKER_02]: And what, and was able to say no sometimes, then it made the yeses so much better.
17:40.119 --> 17:45.060
[SPEAKER_02]: Because when we're saying yes all the time, we do feel overwhelmed, we feel burnt out.
17:45.080 --> 17:48.440
[SPEAKER_02]: And we don't enjoy all the things that we're just committing to.
17:48.460 --> 17:53.381
[SPEAKER_02]: And then we get that guilt, which I'm going to transition into guilt.
17:53.421 --> 17:54.381
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about it.
17:54.862 --> 17:56.162
[SPEAKER_02]: I know a lot of parents
17:57.161 --> 18:03.064
[SPEAKER_02]: feel and there's I mean, we guilt covers so many different avenues when it comes to parenthood.
18:03.124 --> 18:07.966
[SPEAKER_02]: But let's talk about guilt when it comes to taking care of ourselves.
18:08.266 --> 18:09.607
[SPEAKER_02]: You talked about goals.
18:10.167 --> 18:13.008
[SPEAKER_02]: What about going after our own personal goals?
18:13.368 --> 18:19.591
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you help people reframe that so that they don't feel that guilt?
18:20.372 --> 18:20.632
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
18:21.846 --> 18:28.498
[SPEAKER_01]: What I have noticed is it's about allowing people to see that it is safe to prioritize yourself, right?
18:28.578 --> 18:34.228
[SPEAKER_01]: And that it is beneficial to not only you, but to everybody involved, right?
18:35.120 --> 18:37.101
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, Ava's barely two years old.
18:37.141 --> 18:37.561
[SPEAKER_01]: She's not.
18:37.621 --> 18:38.641
[SPEAKER_01]: She's just twenty-one months.
18:39.121 --> 18:42.982
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've been training for a half marathon for two outmarathon for this whole year.
18:43.582 --> 18:48.943
[SPEAKER_01]: And she can already see each of mommy runs, mommy runs, you know, and then she'll run around the apartment.
18:49.284 --> 18:50.644
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's really interesting, right?
18:50.684 --> 18:56.966
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you're showing them, but it's good and safe and, you know, important to have goals, right?
18:57.006 --> 19:02.227
[SPEAKER_01]: They might not know that they are goals, but it's like, oh, you're teaching them by how you're showing up for yourself.
19:03.334 --> 19:12.521
[SPEAKER_01]: And in terms of guilt, I really think that it's like give yourself an experiment to see that you don't need all this time, right, to feel better.
19:12.901 --> 19:17.645
[SPEAKER_01]: And when you feel better, how much better do you show up for your kids, for your partner?
19:19.507 --> 19:25.211
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, yes, so important because when we do take care of ourselves, I mean, we know this.
19:26.292 --> 19:28.954
[SPEAKER_02]: When we take care of ourselves, we're better for those around us.
19:31.305 --> 19:35.514
[SPEAKER_02]: You wrote something in what you call letters from a life coach.
19:35.734 --> 19:41.486
[SPEAKER_02]: And I, I'd like to shift here for a minute and read it if, if I may.
19:41.506 --> 19:42.287
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes.
19:43.358 --> 19:55.045
[SPEAKER_02]: So it says, I realized yesterday that we're not just waking up, working, taking the dog out, figuring out dinner, managing schedules, and doing bedtime.
19:55.786 --> 19:58.567
[SPEAKER_02]: But instead, we're building a whole dang life.
19:59.288 --> 20:06.412
[SPEAKER_02]: It's funny how the routine and the day-to-day get overlooked until it all was set in your entire life is gone by.
20:07.093 --> 20:12.196
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm living my life right now, and I'm determined not to miss it.
20:13.129 --> 20:15.451
[SPEAKER_02]: I get goose bumps every time I read that.
20:16.112 --> 20:24.720
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you remind parents all these moments in the day equal a full life?
20:26.525 --> 20:27.385
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so good.
20:27.725 --> 20:28.886
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, thank you for reading that.
20:29.706 --> 20:54.233
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, where I realize this and this, like, you know, might help somebody else is that the weeks feel like they fly by and sometimes it feels like you're just waiting for the next moment or the next moment or that vacation or that holiday, but like majority of our time is doing the mundane or that the typical or the routine.
20:55.392 --> 20:58.915
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, wow, that is my life, too.
20:59.796 --> 21:09.784
[SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't necessarily a brand new realization, but a very, like, a realization in the sense of that was another day that's gone by with her at that age.
21:11.214 --> 21:16.278
[SPEAKER_01]: that was another moment that I really don't get back and somehow like I almost have a two year old.
21:16.999 --> 21:20.262
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I was here the whole time and I'm like, where did the time go, right?
21:20.282 --> 21:21.643
[SPEAKER_01]: And I really tried to be present.
21:22.183 --> 21:28.529
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, it was almost like a slowing down that made me realize like these are the important days too.
21:28.649 --> 21:30.591
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, everybody says like you'll miss them.
21:31.291 --> 21:31.511
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
21:31.591 --> 21:35.333
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, like the hard moments are hard, but it's like, there's a lot of good in there too.
21:35.813 --> 21:37.574
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I just don't want to miss it.
21:37.954 --> 21:42.096
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so sometimes I really am the like the too much parent of like, I'll do this.
21:42.217 --> 21:42.917
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll bring your here.
21:43.077 --> 21:46.859
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I just want to be all in because I know how quick it goes.
21:47.499 --> 21:50.781
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, from what I've already seen and like just other parts of life, too.
21:50.861 --> 21:55.863
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like, that slowing down made me realize that, you know, this is, this is it.
21:56.003 --> 21:56.444
[SPEAKER_01]: We're in it.
21:57.184 --> 21:58.825
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and you don't get it back.
22:00.577 --> 22:01.358
[SPEAKER_02]: You really don't.
22:01.678 --> 22:06.962
[SPEAKER_02]: And often people look at Instagram and think, that's what a purpose driven life looks like.
22:07.322 --> 22:13.286
[SPEAKER_02]: What about every moment where we're present for our kids, our loved ones, people in our lives that give us joy?
22:13.706 --> 22:22.893
[SPEAKER_02]: And how can we look at the mundane and see it as part of our larger purpose and seeing it for the meaning it really gives to our lives?
22:23.436 --> 22:26.577
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I actually just talked about this today in place of possibility.
22:26.957 --> 22:31.659
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's been some narrative of it on social media too, but like the romanticizing of your life.
22:32.300 --> 22:34.861
[SPEAKER_01]: Like for me, we like to make sauce on Sunday.
22:35.041 --> 22:37.362
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't do it every Sunday, but whenever we can, we do.
22:37.862 --> 22:39.683
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like, I am not just making sauce.
22:39.723 --> 22:41.703
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm not just throwing sauce on the stove.
22:41.763 --> 22:44.024
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it is something that makes me happy.
22:44.164 --> 22:46.145
[SPEAKER_01]: It is something that like my husband enjoys doing.
22:46.365 --> 22:47.866
[SPEAKER_01]: It is something that Ava likes to do now.
22:47.926 --> 22:49.847
[SPEAKER_01]: Like she likes to test it and like stir it.
22:49.887 --> 22:50.007
[SPEAKER_01]: Like
22:51.108 --> 22:52.949
[SPEAKER_01]: It is a creation of happiness.
22:52.969 --> 22:56.052
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm taking a typical Sunday and adding some magic on it, right?
22:56.312 --> 23:01.657
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, in the morning when we make coffee, we turn on Dean Martin and it is just a little bit extra.
23:01.737 --> 23:05.400
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, are we making coffee or are we making coffee?
23:05.800 --> 23:06.421
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
23:06.521 --> 23:09.103
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, nobody is going to do that for you, but yourself.
23:09.643 --> 23:16.449
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, we've got to find small ways to make things more meaningful, intentional, more fun.
23:17.370 --> 23:17.530
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
23:17.570 --> 23:23.114
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like if we're going to do this for as long as time, reminders will do it with our desires in mind.
23:24.795 --> 23:26.877
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and have some fun along the way, right?
23:26.997 --> 23:27.437
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
23:28.478 --> 23:33.501
[SPEAKER_02]: So Lauren, let's talk about some practical tools and coaching strategies for real life.
23:33.642 --> 23:39.946
[SPEAKER_02]: What are some of the small, realistic changes that can make a big difference in a family life?
23:41.147 --> 23:43.949
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I guess the question is like, what do they want to change, too?
23:45.350 --> 23:45.590
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
23:46.151 --> 23:46.371
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
23:46.491 --> 23:46.711
[SPEAKER_02]: What?
23:46.731 --> 23:47.492
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
23:47.712 --> 23:47.932
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
23:49.213 --> 23:50.355
[SPEAKER_02]: Like habits stacking.
23:50.435 --> 23:51.636
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I love that idea.
23:51.756 --> 23:56.320
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you explain what that really is and how it can really work for busy families?
23:56.660 --> 23:56.940
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
23:57.281 --> 24:04.827
[SPEAKER_01]: So actually, I feel like I've heard that term from atomic habits and I really love that and how I understand it is like when you do one thing, you do another.
24:05.648 --> 24:08.791
[SPEAKER_01]: And a principle that I share with my clients is like, let's just make it easy.
24:09.372 --> 24:09.592
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
24:09.652 --> 24:12.054
[SPEAKER_01]: There is no prize in struggling.
24:12.534 --> 24:17.559
[SPEAKER_01]: But like I work with like a lot of like very motivated working professionals or doing all the things we're in all the hats.
24:17.919 --> 24:22.503
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's kind of like that narrative like if we're not struggling, if it's not hard, it's not going to work or it's not good enough.
24:23.184 --> 24:29.229
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's like, how do we create habits that really just like set us up for success ahead of time?
24:29.930 --> 24:31.892
[SPEAKER_01]: And that make it easy to complete.
24:33.242 --> 24:45.329
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, so it's like I know that when I like I open the fringe to grab my coffee creamer, I'm gonna grab like a glass of water and chug it or I know that when I get home from like an outing, I'm gonna refill the diaper bag right away.
24:45.349 --> 24:47.390
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like I take my shoes off and refill the diaper bag.
24:47.410 --> 24:49.992
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just kind of like one thing triggers another thing.
24:50.972 --> 24:54.333
[SPEAKER_01]: And that way you don't have to spend a lot of time debating when am I going to do it?
24:54.633 --> 24:55.333
[SPEAKER_01]: When should I do it?
24:55.493 --> 24:56.273
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I have time to do it?
24:56.353 --> 24:57.234
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like let's just do it.
24:57.254 --> 25:00.234
[SPEAKER_01]: Because so much of our time gets eaten up and like the overthinking.
25:00.795 --> 25:02.515
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like all right, but I know I take my shoes off.
25:02.615 --> 25:03.635
[SPEAKER_01]: I pre-fill the diaper bag.
25:04.896 --> 25:09.917
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and that sounds like a way to reframe those limiting beliefs.
25:10.377 --> 25:16.919
[SPEAKER_02]: So many parents are challenged by that I don't have time or I'm or feel like I'm not doing enough.
25:17.499 --> 25:18.079
[SPEAKER_02]: How can they
25:19.277 --> 25:20.558
[SPEAKER_02]: begin to reframe it.
25:21.038 --> 25:22.639
[SPEAKER_02]: You gave some examples.
25:22.699 --> 25:23.880
[SPEAKER_02]: Are there other examples?
25:24.900 --> 25:25.201
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
25:25.761 --> 25:28.923
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's what I want to offer about limiting beliefs.
25:28.983 --> 25:35.247
[SPEAKER_01]: Like the very, very first step is I think it's really helpful to just look at what we tell ourselves repeatedly.
25:36.247 --> 25:39.249
[SPEAKER_01]: Because a lot of these thoughts, I'm sure are like not brand new.
25:39.489 --> 25:44.913
[SPEAKER_01]: They're just a flavor of a different thought that we had probably before a parenthood or like an early parenthood or whatever it might be.
25:45.653 --> 25:47.996
[SPEAKER_01]: and just really to bring them to awareness.
25:48.637 --> 25:51.240
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, ooh, like, is that true?
25:51.641 --> 25:53.082
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even notice I was saying that.
25:53.403 --> 26:00.912
[SPEAKER_01]: But a lot of the things are just kind of unconscious, and they just kind of run, run, run, run, run, but what we don't maybe realize is that they're actually creating our whole life.
26:01.713 --> 26:04.195
[SPEAKER_01]: And so in terms of time, like, I get caught up in that chilling.
26:04.215 --> 26:05.656
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have any time, right?
26:05.676 --> 26:07.997
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like, that's not true.
26:08.517 --> 26:10.138
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm doing these other things.
26:10.318 --> 26:12.139
[SPEAKER_01]: I have time for this, right?
26:12.180 --> 26:13.440
[SPEAKER_01]: I might not have as much time.
26:14.101 --> 26:17.683
[SPEAKER_01]: But in the time that I do have, what am I going to do with it and how am I going to use it?
26:20.097 --> 26:22.198
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, exactly, exactly.
26:22.218 --> 26:32.485
[SPEAKER_02]: And what are some tools or strategies you recommend managing expectations on your own, but also the ones that we feel from others?
26:33.505 --> 26:34.286
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm, yes.
26:34.686 --> 26:42.509
[SPEAKER_01]: I think this is probably one of the biggest changes for me in terms of managing expectations with Eva and like how things should go.
26:42.529 --> 26:45.610
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think I shared this a while ago with you.
26:45.630 --> 26:51.553
[SPEAKER_01]: I learned this from Byron Katie, but it's really just like that you argue with reality you lose every single time.
26:52.790 --> 26:56.393
[SPEAKER_01]: And I keep that in mind when I'm like, she shouldn't be doing that.
26:56.834 --> 26:58.035
[SPEAKER_01]: She should be taking a nap.
26:58.435 --> 27:01.698
[SPEAKER_01]: She should be going to bed or she should be eating that or whatever it might be.
27:01.718 --> 27:03.740
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, but she is not.
27:04.521 --> 27:04.741
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
27:04.821 --> 27:09.785
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what am I going to do about that versus just trying to like drive my own narrative?
27:10.706 --> 27:31.780
[SPEAKER_01]: of she should like all my expectations that I have for her because what I've noticed is that that just sets me up for failure and then I'm disappointed I'm getting worked up you know I have like this resistance right like I'm just trying to like fight current reality we're like when I let that go I can actually handle the situation that's actually unfolding versus the one I think should be happening
27:33.028 --> 27:35.189
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I think about, we went on a cross-country road trip.
27:35.689 --> 27:41.132
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think about this when we, I got caught off guard thinking like, oh, we're just gonna drop our bags.
27:41.252 --> 27:42.913
[SPEAKER_01]: We were really excited to go to Moab, Utah.
27:42.933 --> 27:43.794
[SPEAKER_01]: We finally got there.
27:43.814 --> 27:48.676
[SPEAKER_01]: We were gonna drop our bags and we were just gonna go find a restaurant and watch those forts and then do a late night hike.
27:49.157 --> 27:51.458
[SPEAKER_01]: And then all of a sudden I was like, oh wait, we have to unpack.
27:51.798 --> 27:52.839
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to get her food.
27:52.879 --> 27:55.180
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to get extra, it was like a process.
27:55.220 --> 27:57.181
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I felt like my energy dropping.
27:57.541 --> 27:58.702
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what happened here?
27:58.722 --> 28:02.084
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, I was just like, my expectations weren't met.
28:03.004 --> 28:07.905
[SPEAKER_01]: But that was because, like, I forgot that this is how it is, right?
28:07.965 --> 28:09.926
[SPEAKER_01]: Versus thinking like, oh, this is how it should be.
28:10.306 --> 28:12.307
[SPEAKER_01]: I should be on this trip, doing this should be easier.
28:12.327 --> 28:15.347
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh, no, this is how it is, and this is okay.
28:15.367 --> 28:17.188
[SPEAKER_01]: I just need to come back and remember that.
28:17.508 --> 28:19.789
[SPEAKER_01]: And every time I do, like, I have an overall better time.
28:20.029 --> 28:20.949
[SPEAKER_01]: I can show up better for her.
28:21.269 --> 28:32.911
[SPEAKER_02]: And I would agree too, it's important also to manage expectations with your partner, because it's important for you to be on the same page, especially in certain situations, obviously.
28:33.251 --> 28:46.254
[SPEAKER_02]: And even managing expectations for what we think the should should be as well, because that's so important and making sure that, okay, we're on the same page, we understand it.
28:46.674 --> 28:50.095
[SPEAKER_02]: the same way and you're managing each other's expectations as well.
28:50.115 --> 28:51.636
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's just communication, right?
28:52.156 --> 28:52.696
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, gosh.
28:52.916 --> 28:58.979
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like given I have that to communicate and communicate and over communicate and we still laugh that we miss understand.
28:59.339 --> 29:01.100
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, how do we miss understand there?
29:01.260 --> 29:04.561
[SPEAKER_01]: I was so explicit and it could be about anything.
29:05.121 --> 29:11.743
[SPEAKER_01]: But I really do feel like it's like driving your thoughts home and being like explicit and like, don't make assumptions, right?
29:11.763 --> 29:14.645
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that comes from the book of like the four agreements, like don't make assumptions.
29:15.125 --> 29:19.726
[SPEAKER_01]: I can never assume that he knows what I'm thinking or that he knows I want that sort, that I don't want that.
29:19.846 --> 29:26.349
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like saying for him, really requires like that over communicating and like asking what the other person needs.
29:27.869 --> 29:29.110
[SPEAKER_02]: So good, so good.
29:31.063 --> 29:31.563
[SPEAKER_02]: It's true.
29:31.623 --> 29:32.024
[SPEAKER_02]: It's true.
29:32.344 --> 29:33.285
[SPEAKER_02]: It never really ends.
29:33.365 --> 29:44.376
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, like I said in the intro, whether it's little or teens, you have to keep that communication going and remembering to take care of yourself.
29:44.456 --> 29:52.264
[SPEAKER_02]: I know we brought that up earlier and reminding yourself of your goals so that when you show up for yourself, you're showing up for others, right?
29:52.664 --> 29:53.505
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
29:53.525 --> 29:53.825
[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
29:53.865 --> 29:55.906
[SPEAKER_02]: So quick, quick wins for listeners.
29:56.046 --> 30:02.251
[SPEAKER_02]: What's one small thing a parent can do this week to feel a little more in control?
30:03.051 --> 30:04.372
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I've got a few.
30:04.732 --> 30:07.174
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop telling yourself you're out of control, right?
30:07.274 --> 30:07.554
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
30:07.754 --> 30:08.535
[SPEAKER_01]: Check your calendar.
30:09.015 --> 30:10.976
[SPEAKER_01]: make some standing appointments and follow through.
30:11.256 --> 30:12.437
[SPEAKER_01]: But do it one day at a time.
30:12.777 --> 30:16.179
[SPEAKER_01]: Do not, like I know, I told you to look at the whole month, but that was really just gain awareness.
30:16.639 --> 30:20.621
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what could your calendar day by day and go one day at a time?
30:20.802 --> 30:24.544
[SPEAKER_01]: There is something to be said from micro shifts because those become the macro waves.
30:24.924 --> 30:26.705
[SPEAKER_01]: But you've got to be willing to go small.
30:27.025 --> 30:31.307
[SPEAKER_01]: It's make it doable and let that momentum build and then yourself belief build.
30:31.347 --> 30:38.091
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like commit to one thing a day for yourself or commit to one thing you wanted to follow through on and then do it again the next day and then do it again the next day.
30:39.446 --> 30:41.248
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, so good, so good.
30:41.808 --> 30:44.691
[SPEAKER_02]: You mentioned the importance of asking better questions.
30:44.751 --> 30:46.053
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you mean by that?
30:46.393 --> 30:47.955
[SPEAKER_02]: And how compare and start doing that?
30:49.287 --> 30:53.330
[SPEAKER_01]: I just feel like when you ask yourself questions in a way, you're pre-supposing the answers.
30:53.390 --> 30:54.991
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, what's wrong with me?
30:55.372 --> 30:56.653
[SPEAKER_01]: Why can't I ever get this right?
30:57.053 --> 30:59.235
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, something's wrong with me.
30:59.255 --> 31:00.416
[SPEAKER_01]: Can I ever get it right?
31:00.916 --> 31:03.358
[SPEAKER_01]: Right or like, why can I be good like them?
31:03.398 --> 31:04.279
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not good at this.
31:05.119 --> 31:05.299
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
31:05.480 --> 31:08.162
[SPEAKER_01]: And all that to me is going to do is like drop your energy.
31:08.482 --> 31:09.863
[SPEAKER_01]: Not really give you helpful answers.
31:10.223 --> 31:12.165
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just going to perpetuate what else is wrong with me.
31:13.159 --> 31:17.745
[SPEAKER_01]: But when we ask letter questions, we get better answers in the words of Tony Robbins, right?
31:17.885 --> 31:21.410
[SPEAKER_01]: And when you get better answers, you can do something with that information, right?
31:21.450 --> 31:22.211
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like data.
31:22.772 --> 31:24.254
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, instead of like, what's wrong with me?
31:24.274 --> 31:25.696
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, what could I do better here?
31:25.856 --> 31:27.278
[SPEAKER_01]: What could I do differently next time?
31:28.519 --> 31:30.201
[SPEAKER_01]: I call it like life lab experiment.
31:30.221 --> 31:40.411
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like I'm going to be like a scientist in my life lab and I'm just going to I'm going to get the data and I'm going to do something with it like I need to evaluate here like what worked what didn't what am I going to do differently next time.
31:40.912 --> 31:45.637
[SPEAKER_01]: But overall like depending on the questions you asked yourself like you'll just feel it like you'll feel how it affects you.
31:47.557 --> 31:48.777
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so important.
31:48.917 --> 32:00.420
[SPEAKER_02]: And I really want to also tell some people here that are listening, if it weren't for you, Lauren, I wouldn't be here at Growing Up with Dr. Sarah.
32:01.180 --> 32:15.584
[SPEAKER_02]: I worked with Lauren as a life coach to find what my next steps were as I was looking for some new ways to communicate with others to be a reliable source of information.
32:15.664 --> 32:16.924
[SPEAKER_02]: So I do want to thank you.
32:17.444 --> 32:19.326
[SPEAKER_02]: So much because we're here because of you.
32:19.346 --> 32:24.591
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I want to thank you for keep going and sharing your knowledge and like the world needs it.
32:24.651 --> 32:25.892
[SPEAKER_01]: So yes, to you.
32:26.873 --> 32:32.659
[SPEAKER_02]: So any last words of wisdom before we go over some closing thoughts.
32:35.393 --> 32:39.600
[SPEAKER_01]: I always love the thought that, like, you are one thought away from a totally different life.
32:40.301 --> 32:48.313
[SPEAKER_01]: And whether that is a total revamp or a shift in just less overwhelmed, less chaos in more peace, more calm, more control.
32:48.353 --> 32:50.636
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, probably just one thought away.
32:51.357 --> 32:57.421
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, and there's so much possibility in that and just keep going because it doesn't need to be perfect for a to work.
32:58.041 --> 32:59.723
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't need to not be messy.
32:59.763 --> 33:00.683
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't need to.
33:00.943 --> 33:03.685
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to have everything all your docs in a row to feel better.
33:04.165 --> 33:07.228
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just like be willing to get started and to keep going.
33:08.989 --> 33:10.189
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much.
33:10.310 --> 33:11.310
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for being here.
33:11.750 --> 33:18.255
[SPEAKER_02]: Where can listeners find you sign up for your newsletter, connect with your work, or learn more about life coaching?
33:18.870 --> 33:20.853
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm primarily on Instagram.
33:21.053 --> 33:22.415
[SPEAKER_01]: It's at low nanny.
33:22.495 --> 33:24.117
[SPEAKER_01]: So like, vannanny, but with an eye.
33:24.818 --> 33:27.021
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can go to my website, Laurenanny.com.
33:27.041 --> 33:28.543
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a bunch of ways to connect with me there.
33:28.663 --> 33:33.329
[SPEAKER_01]: But I also do believe my email address is in my bio on Instagram.
33:33.349 --> 33:35.071
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can also reach me via email too.
33:36.092 --> 33:40.574
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, thank you so much for joining us for this inspirational conversation.
33:40.594 --> 33:47.917
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you're a parent who's feeling stuck or stretched, then I hope you heard something today that reminds you, you're not alone.
33:48.377 --> 33:57.281
[SPEAKER_02]: It is possible to design a life that works for you and your family, to learn more about today's guest and how you can connect with her, check out the show notes.
33:57.622 --> 34:04.985
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, share it with a friend, leave a review, and until next time, take care.
34:05.425 --> 34:08.551
[SPEAKER_02]: Be kind to yourself and let's grow up together.
00:00.091 --> 00:08.875
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, if I want to get out of survival mode, I've got it once again, hit pause in the things that I'm doing and decide what's working and what's not.
00:09.756 --> 00:09.936
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
00:10.036 --> 00:13.778
[SPEAKER_01]: Where am I feeling like I'm barely treading water and what needs to change?
00:14.218 --> 00:19.981
[SPEAKER_01]: Like being willing to say, like, this is working and this isn't, and what can I do about it?
00:22.473 --> 00:26.637
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you raising your family while also feeling like you're still growing out yourself?
00:27.297 --> 00:29.499
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you wonder if you are getting it right?
00:29.860 --> 00:33.623
[SPEAKER_00]: Or do you ask where is the roadmap to building a happy healthy life?
00:34.244 --> 00:36.646
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Growing Up with Dr. Sarah.
00:37.046 --> 00:40.830
[SPEAKER_00]: She's a pediatrician and a mom, and she helps the whole family.
00:41.450 --> 00:47.277
[SPEAKER_02]: Hi, I'm Dr. Sarah Adams, a board certified pediatrician, but I'm not your pediatrician.
00:47.737 --> 00:56.508
[SPEAKER_02]: Feel free to use my podcast as helpful information, but in no way do I intend my podcast to replace the advice of your physician.
00:56.988 --> 01:01.834
[SPEAKER_02]: Your physician knows you and is in the best position to provide medical advice.
01:11.590 --> 01:13.992
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to Growing Up with Dr. Sarah.
01:14.353 --> 01:26.764
[SPEAKER_02]: Today's episode is all about something many of us struggle with, but don't often talk about how to live with more intention as a parent, especially when life feels overwhelming.
01:27.405 --> 01:32.068
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll talk about common struggles like burnout, guilt, and the myth of balance.
01:32.468 --> 01:35.490
[SPEAKER_02]: And share practical tips you can start using today.
01:36.090 --> 01:42.073
[SPEAKER_02]: Whether you're in the thick of raising littles or navigating the team years, this episode is for you.
01:42.754 --> 01:56.982
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm joined by a special guest, a life coach and a fellow mom, Lauren Manney, who helps women get unstuck, reconnect with their goals, and build a life that works for their family, not just around it.
01:57.342 --> 01:58.323
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back, Lauren.
01:58.483 --> 02:03.266
[SPEAKER_02]: It's always great when I get to talk to you about one of my favorite topics, right?
02:03.446 --> 02:04.226
[SPEAKER_02]: Here in hood.
02:04.466 --> 02:04.947
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
02:05.167 --> 02:06.668
[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks so much for having me back.
02:06.748 --> 02:07.728
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited to be here.
02:08.829 --> 02:17.274
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I'm always impressed by the work that you do as a life coach and one of the programs that you developed was called Design Your Life.
02:17.794 --> 02:18.014
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
02:18.074 --> 02:21.296
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about designing your life as a parent.
02:21.737 --> 02:23.158
[SPEAKER_02]: And what does that really mean?
02:24.238 --> 02:25.620
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my favorite topic.
02:26.301 --> 02:39.856
[SPEAKER_01]: So designing your life as a parent, you know, this is really about taking a second, right, hitting pause on just like the automatic unconscious behaviors, patterns like how we just consistently show up and asking ourselves, like, who do I want to be?
02:40.677 --> 02:42.237
[SPEAKER_01]: Who do I want to be as a mom?
02:43.258 --> 02:47.718
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I want to live my life with this new person involved?
02:47.918 --> 02:50.539
[SPEAKER_01]: Or are you already in the thick of parenting?
02:50.799 --> 03:00.661
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to redesign how I've been doing things and really bringing yourself into the awareness of, I get to choose.
03:00.701 --> 03:08.022
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a choice and how am I going to make it happen versus just assuming that this is how it has to be or this is how I should do it.
03:10.863 --> 03:11.644
[SPEAKER_01]: Figuring that out.
03:12.925 --> 03:14.326
[SPEAKER_02]: It's exactly what you said.
03:14.446 --> 03:21.491
[SPEAKER_02]: You get to design how you live your life and how you get, how you parent through that as well.
03:22.252 --> 03:22.572
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
03:23.213 --> 03:37.824
[SPEAKER_01]: And really, if I had to break down the word design, I think about it like, you know, deciding intentionally, this is what I want and then going through your life and learning how to create it, learning how to pivot when things don't go your way, learning how to bring it to life.
03:38.164 --> 03:43.030
[SPEAKER_01]: Learning how to implement it in your current circumstances while you're working on changing other things.
03:43.510 --> 03:43.630
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
03:43.650 --> 03:44.852
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you are a designer.
03:45.012 --> 03:53.522
[SPEAKER_01]: You're laying out the plans and then when you get in there, things might not always go as planned but also believing that like I have the capabilities to still do something about this.
03:55.210 --> 03:58.573
[SPEAKER_02]: And I know sometimes parents, well, maybe not sometimes.
03:59.053 --> 04:03.656
[SPEAKER_02]: Many parents feel stuck in that survival mode, right?
04:04.397 --> 04:05.858
[SPEAKER_02]: They're just going day to day.
04:05.938 --> 04:10.762
[SPEAKER_02]: How can they begin to shift towards a more intentional way of living?
04:11.667 --> 04:12.808
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so good.
04:12.828 --> 04:23.676
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I first of all, I think being intentional is such a game changer for every area of your life, but especially when, you know, we show up to take care of other people.
04:24.276 --> 04:33.022
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like if I want to get out of survival mode, I've got to once again hit pause on the things that I'm doing and decide like what's working and what's not.
04:33.923 --> 04:34.123
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
04:34.223 --> 04:37.965
[SPEAKER_01]: Where am I feeling like I'm barely treading water in what needs to change?
04:38.386 --> 04:44.149
[SPEAKER_01]: Like being willing to say like this is working and this isn't and what can I do about it?
04:45.323 --> 04:52.766
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and for me when I feel like, oh my gosh, there's, like, piling on the to-do's, I'm getting behind, like, all that stuff just starts adding up.
04:53.546 --> 04:56.187
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that I need to take a, calling it a second.
04:56.287 --> 05:05.470
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to take a couple minutes and night or something and like, you know, look at my calendar either talk to my husband, like, communicate, like, put plans in place.
05:06.130 --> 05:08.532
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the train is just going to keep going off the tracks.
05:08.992 --> 05:12.455
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do believe I have the power to change that.
05:12.495 --> 05:13.816
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a belief that really serves me.
05:13.836 --> 05:15.257
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to be intentional with it.
05:16.038 --> 05:16.198
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
05:16.238 --> 05:20.782
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like, if intentionally, I'm going to design each day to the best of my abilities.
05:22.243 --> 05:33.973
[SPEAKER_02]: What are some of those daily mindset habits or routines that you suggest that can really help parents feel more grounded and empowered and not feel like they're just treading water?
05:35.023 --> 05:35.263
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
05:35.643 --> 05:36.844
[SPEAKER_01]: So I feel like I've two.
05:36.864 --> 05:44.528
[SPEAKER_01]: One that's like recently really been helping me is that I look at the month kind of like zoom out and look at the whole month.
05:45.109 --> 05:48.670
[SPEAKER_01]: I had this story for so long that I was always behind on the things.
05:48.710 --> 05:52.793
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a social responsibility is like buying the gifts, bringing the appetizer.
05:52.833 --> 05:54.253
[SPEAKER_01]: I committed to like three weeks ago.
05:54.294 --> 05:58.716
[SPEAKER_01]: Like so many things would pile up that I was always just like, I can't get it right.
05:58.756 --> 05:59.997
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I can't get my stuff together.
06:00.817 --> 06:04.400
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I decided finally because I'm a person that's really motivated by pain.
06:04.420 --> 06:10.144
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you can be motivated by pain or pleasure, but like what gets me going to actually change is like I can't do this anymore.
06:10.364 --> 06:14.987
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I can't be going to the store five minutes before a party buying the card, right?
06:15.567 --> 06:18.069
[SPEAKER_01]: And then everybody else in the car stressed out, I rushed everybody.
06:18.569 --> 06:22.192
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what I've been doing is I look at the month and it's entirety and I try to just plan ahead.
06:22.232 --> 06:23.273
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I just take a look.
06:23.693 --> 06:26.015
[SPEAKER_01]: First is always like being surprised, right?
06:26.035 --> 06:27.195
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, oh, it's already here.
06:27.656 --> 06:31.158
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, what can I do now to get myself ready for that?
06:32.299 --> 06:35.100
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I check in every single day.
06:35.881 --> 06:38.062
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I like to say, like, we have to remember to remember.
06:38.382 --> 06:43.786
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I have to remember to look at the calendar for the things that I said I was going to do, right?
06:43.826 --> 06:45.887
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like one put it on your calendar and two remember.
06:46.768 --> 06:47.568
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember to look at it.
06:48.289 --> 06:48.749
[SPEAKER_02]: For sure.
06:48.869 --> 06:49.430
[SPEAKER_02]: I've, I've
06:50.305 --> 06:52.768
[SPEAKER_02]: found myself forgetting to look at it.
06:53.168 --> 07:08.925
[SPEAKER_02]: And I like your perspective of look at the whole month instead of but also checking day to day because if you have a big picture and then you're checking in day to day, you're less likely for those things to fall through the cracks like you mentioned.
07:09.225 --> 07:13.768
[SPEAKER_02]: And I know some people might be listening like a birthday present or even a birthday party.
07:14.148 --> 07:14.969
[SPEAKER_02]: I used to say this.
07:15.309 --> 07:22.433
[SPEAKER_02]: I know for a fact and can I still remember like now what thirty years later about a birthday party.
07:22.533 --> 07:25.355
[SPEAKER_02]: I totally forgot to take Ben to one time.
07:25.495 --> 07:27.717
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, that was thirty years ago.
07:27.737 --> 07:29.158
[SPEAKER_02]: I still remember it.
07:29.298 --> 07:32.220
[SPEAKER_02]: So obviously it meant something to me.
07:32.320 --> 07:35.522
[SPEAKER_02]: So even those little things can really mean a lot.
07:36.322 --> 08:02.677
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely and I also think like finding something like that's kind of like maybe a strategy but for me I'm like how am I going to start my day like or how I'm going to start my day is going to determine usually how it kicks off and how it like it expands into my morning to my afternoon and I'm like I need to do something simple to feel good whether that's like I go on a walk with my friend or I sit for five minutes in silence or with my journal instead of my phone I'm like
08:03.717 --> 08:08.520
[SPEAKER_01]: I can only control me and I've got to take all of that energy and place it here, right?
08:08.560 --> 08:10.001
[SPEAKER_01]: And what's going to fill my cup?
08:10.121 --> 08:11.602
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going to help me empty my beaker?
08:11.622 --> 08:13.043
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what's going to make me feel good?
08:14.784 --> 08:15.425
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
08:15.505 --> 08:27.373
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that analogy filling your cup and emptying your beaker all that both two things that are so important that we forget because if we don't empty it just overflows, overflows, right?
08:27.453 --> 08:30.975
[SPEAKER_02]: But we also need to find meaning and filling it up as well.
08:31.522 --> 08:32.963
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, totally.
08:32.983 --> 08:35.504
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel like some activities can do the same thing.
08:36.045 --> 08:40.087
[SPEAKER_01]: They can empty your beaker and they can fill your cup, which is always two for one who doesn't love that.
08:41.556 --> 08:45.298
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, especially as busy parents, time savers are always a good thing.
08:45.438 --> 08:45.718
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
08:45.878 --> 08:49.780
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, this is such thoughtful and structural practical advice.
08:50.360 --> 08:53.642
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us what exactly is a life coach?
08:54.182 --> 09:03.487
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'd love to hear more about your background and how you come to work as a life coach and do so as the perspective of a mom.
09:04.279 --> 09:10.261
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so life coach is basically somebody that helps you do the things that you say you want to do, right?
09:10.301 --> 09:15.703
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I help you go from point A to point B and work through all of that mind drama in the middle, right?
09:15.763 --> 09:18.544
[SPEAKER_01]: All the times like that fear pops up like you get blocked.
09:18.584 --> 09:19.505
[SPEAKER_01]: You saw you quit.
09:19.545 --> 09:20.085
[SPEAKER_01]: You go back.
09:20.914 --> 09:22.356
[SPEAKER_01]: I just hope you keep going.
09:23.076 --> 09:25.278
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop stopping keep going so that you can get there.
09:26.860 --> 09:29.322
[SPEAKER_01]: We're here to live our most fulfilled authentic life.
09:29.562 --> 09:30.463
[SPEAKER_01]: That is invaluable.
09:31.104 --> 09:34.126
[SPEAKER_01]: I believe that is my mission here on Earth to do that.
09:34.567 --> 09:40.853
[SPEAKER_01]: My professional personal mission is to promote possibility because when you focus on what can be possible, you keep going.
09:41.393 --> 09:44.036
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I always said, like, I was someone that was really stuck.
09:44.076 --> 09:47.059
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I had these goals and these dreams, but I kept bumping up.
09:47.560 --> 09:52.445
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, if I just show up today and focus on what could be possible, like, eventually, something's got to give.
09:52.785 --> 09:54.547
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I just got to see what could happen today.
09:55.127 --> 09:56.149
[SPEAKER_01]: And it worked, right?
09:56.189 --> 09:57.250
[SPEAKER_01]: But it took me a long time.
09:57.290 --> 10:00.653
[SPEAKER_01]: And so now my mission here is to save people a lot of time.
10:00.673 --> 10:04.137
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we got lives to live, and we want to feel good and we deserve to feel good.
10:06.275 --> 10:06.715
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.
10:06.775 --> 10:08.296
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm very proud of you.
10:08.596 --> 10:15.440
[SPEAKER_02]: And in full disclosure, I'd love to share that one of my favorite experts is my very own daughter-in-law.
10:15.761 --> 10:21.184
[SPEAKER_02]: So I often get to see up close and personal how you put to practice what you write about.
10:21.844 --> 10:27.568
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you do so as a perspective of a mom now in regards to being a life coach?
10:28.508 --> 10:42.372
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's kind of funny because I had no idea that the work I started to do on myself over a decade now would be the most invaluable work tools ships that I use as a mom.
10:42.812 --> 10:45.853
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I didn't even know it was going to translate into that.
10:46.773 --> 10:46.953
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
10:47.033 --> 10:50.637
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that really comes back to basically all the things that I shared.
10:50.957 --> 10:53.160
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I can't control her.
10:53.180 --> 10:53.800
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
10:53.920 --> 10:57.764
[SPEAKER_01]: I can maybe minimize or put like boundaries on what she can and can't do.
10:58.044 --> 11:00.507
[SPEAKER_01]: But like she's going to show up as who she wants to be that day.
11:00.987 --> 11:07.974
[SPEAKER_01]: But like when I go inward, when I decide, when I take care of me, like I show up so much better for her.
11:08.715 --> 11:08.875
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
11:08.895 --> 11:12.377
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I know that there's going to be bumps in the road.
11:12.457 --> 11:14.377
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that things are going to go as planned.
11:14.838 --> 11:16.658
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that emotions are going to be high and low.
11:16.698 --> 11:19.099
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, I can handle this.
11:19.259 --> 11:19.399
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
11:19.419 --> 11:21.440
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I believe I can figure it out.
11:22.121 --> 11:22.961
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be messy.
11:23.301 --> 11:25.962
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to know all the time, but I'm willing to figure it out.
11:26.002 --> 11:27.703
[SPEAKER_01]: And like, that thought just really serves me.
11:27.723 --> 11:29.184
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like I've never done this before.
11:29.204 --> 11:32.465
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not going to tell myself, like, I should have an answer to every single thing.
11:32.905 --> 11:36.866
[SPEAKER_01]: But like following my gut, listening to what I need, asking for help.
11:36.906 --> 11:41.127
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I really believe they're just, you know, some of the tools that have just really helped.
11:42.367 --> 11:47.828
[SPEAKER_02]: And when you say her, if it's okay that I mentioned you're talking about your own daughter.
11:48.229 --> 11:50.029
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I have a daughter named Ava.
11:50.049 --> 11:53.910
[SPEAKER_01]: She's going to be too in August and she is the best, but I'm biased.
11:54.987 --> 12:09.783
[SPEAKER_02]: I think I'm a little biased too, but I get it because you know, I remember listening so I'm in one of Lawrence programs called Promoting Possibility and she's a great talk called Mom's Life and
12:10.323 --> 12:17.606
[SPEAKER_02]: It's awesome when you think about it because even as kids change, we have to change.
12:17.986 --> 12:21.547
[SPEAKER_02]: And as parents, we become overwhelmed.
12:21.747 --> 12:23.007
[SPEAKER_02]: We become burnt out.
12:23.228 --> 12:25.248
[SPEAKER_02]: And sometimes even just stuck.
12:25.608 --> 12:30.110
[SPEAKER_02]: So what do you say to parents who are feeling that, feeling that overwhelmed that burnout?
12:31.676 --> 12:37.462
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would assume kind of you're talking about like those tough moments or just like maybe like burnout over time.
12:38.283 --> 12:46.230
[SPEAKER_01]: Something that I have experienced in my like short window of, you know, being a mom is that those tough moments pass.
12:48.112 --> 12:52.094
[SPEAKER_01]: They're gonna come back around, but like, not everything is permanent.
12:52.135 --> 12:55.737
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we get into that, that mindset that like, this is just how it is forever now.
12:56.357 --> 12:58.719
[SPEAKER_01]: But like, I'm for like, sleep, for instance.
12:58.779 --> 13:03.202
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like sometimes she's like a great sleeper, and then we'll go through a stretch of like, nothing works.
13:03.582 --> 13:05.503
[SPEAKER_01]: We're like in the hallway pushing an astrologer.
13:05.523 --> 13:06.503
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going for a drive.
13:06.523 --> 13:07.863
[SPEAKER_01]: We're like something like that.
13:07.883 --> 13:10.464
[SPEAKER_01]: And it feels like, oh, this is just how she's going to be now.
13:10.884 --> 13:13.765
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've just seen over time that, like, that doesn't last.
13:13.825 --> 13:15.145
[SPEAKER_01]: It's usually like a couple of days.
13:15.646 --> 13:17.786
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, and I just place my focus on that.
13:17.806 --> 13:20.107
[SPEAKER_01]: And I place my focus on helping her.
13:20.647 --> 13:24.628
[SPEAKER_01]: That helps me stay out of, you know, my stories and my drama, you know.
13:25.008 --> 13:26.309
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just am like, how can I help?
13:26.429 --> 13:27.009
[SPEAKER_01]: How can I help?
13:28.018 --> 13:34.499
[SPEAKER_01]: But I also, when I'm feeling overwhelmed and really burned out, I'm asking for help from somebody else, too, if I can.
13:34.539 --> 13:34.899
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
13:35.419 --> 13:35.780
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
13:36.280 --> 13:40.060
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like I've learned my limits in my capacity.
13:40.821 --> 13:46.542
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm willing to say I need someone to step in, even it's like five minutes, or can you try to put her to sleep?
13:46.582 --> 13:47.482
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I'll come back in.
13:48.002 --> 13:52.503
[SPEAKER_01]: But I just think being able to ask for help is also a skill, too, if you can.
13:53.803 --> 13:57.646
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm going to, I have two comments about that and thanks for sharing that.
13:58.066 --> 14:10.795
[SPEAKER_02]: I remember my own mom would tell me this two show pass and that's, you know, people have heard that phrase before, but that really helped me because for those moments that you feel
14:11.395 --> 14:30.458
[SPEAKER_02]: again like you said overwhelmed and think it's just like a roller coaster sometimes being a parent and what goes up comes down and there's some easy days and and so let's talk about that balance like do you believe in it or is it something is there something else we should be striving for
14:30.978 --> 14:31.718
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that word.
14:31.799 --> 14:32.639
[SPEAKER_01]: It gets me good.
14:32.839 --> 14:36.161
[SPEAKER_01]: I've always been so annoyed with it.
14:36.581 --> 14:40.183
[SPEAKER_01]: It just goes back long, long time ago, but I'm just like, what is that?
14:40.263 --> 14:41.143
[SPEAKER_01]: What is balance?
14:41.163 --> 14:47.106
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't feel like I've ever lived a balanced life if we're talking about things being equal, fifty, fifty.
14:47.987 --> 14:52.889
[SPEAKER_01]: Like even when I was in school, like I was a student majority of my days, and then I went to play sports.
14:53.229 --> 14:57.992
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and so, or like, when you're like really little, you're just playing and you're hanging and you're doing that, but like,
14:58.812 --> 15:02.796
[SPEAKER_01]: balance, like, you know, to me, nothing was ever really equal, and then I'm in adults.
15:02.816 --> 15:05.058
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you spend your time working or traveling.
15:05.119 --> 15:12.046
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, or working or with your kids, or to me, it's never, ever been fifty-fifty, and I don't think we need that to feel good.
15:12.506 --> 15:21.115
[SPEAKER_01]: What I think that we are asking for and what I have seen working with people one-on-one is that we want more intention, more organization, and reprioritization.
15:22.715 --> 15:38.742
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, yeah, I don't spend the same amount of time in the gym as I do at work or as I do with Eva, but I don't need the same amount of time in the gym for it to work for me, for it to make me feel better, for it's in it my physical balls, but also like my mental health, like I just don't need eight hours.
15:39.222 --> 15:40.803
[SPEAKER_01]: I just, I sometimes I just need thirty minutes.
15:41.183 --> 15:41.463
[SPEAKER_01]: If that
15:42.408 --> 15:42.568
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
15:42.608 --> 15:44.049
[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't need it to be equal.
15:44.369 --> 15:46.870
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to get on the calendar and I need it to be consistent.
15:47.611 --> 15:53.714
[SPEAKER_02]: If you like today's episode so far and it hits close to home for you, please like and subscribe to the podcast.
15:54.094 --> 15:57.596
[SPEAKER_02]: It just takes one click and please share it with other parents.
15:58.016 --> 16:02.579
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you have topics, you'd like me to discuss here on growing up with Dr. Sarah.
16:03.040 --> 16:07.989
[SPEAKER_02]: Reach out to us, leave us a voice message, instructions or in the description box below.
16:08.449 --> 16:12.897
[SPEAKER_02]: Stick with me, our Life Coach has some practical tools that everyone can use.
16:14.127 --> 16:15.928
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, same with like social outing.
16:15.948 --> 16:17.630
[SPEAKER_01]: Some like, yeah, I'd love to see my friends.
16:17.770 --> 16:19.051
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to prioritize that more.
16:19.691 --> 16:26.136
[SPEAKER_01]: But I know that like, I don't necessarily get that as much as I do working or being at home or whatever it might be.
16:26.977 --> 16:27.918
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's okay.
16:28.378 --> 16:29.159
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm good with that.
16:29.239 --> 16:30.720
[SPEAKER_01]: And I can increase it if I want.
16:31.260 --> 16:35.003
[SPEAKER_01]: But knowing that it doesn't have to be equal in order for it to make me feel better or feel that social cut.
16:35.404 --> 16:42.889
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that's where it comes back to like really designing your life is like hitting pause and saying, what do I need more of or what do I need less of?
16:43.610 --> 16:47.091
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I want to add something to the burnout comment, I really do believe.
16:47.131 --> 16:49.812
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes it's like, there's a power in saying no to things.
16:50.312 --> 16:53.053
[SPEAKER_01]: Because sometimes it's just simply too much, right?
16:53.173 --> 16:55.974
[SPEAKER_01]: Or doing things we don't really want to do to please everybody else.
16:56.294 --> 16:59.095
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think there is a time in a place to say, what do I need?
16:59.595 --> 16:59.855
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
17:00.395 --> 17:02.336
[SPEAKER_01]: And under promise over deliver.
17:02.716 --> 17:04.277
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I will see if I can make it.
17:04.377 --> 17:04.957
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure.
17:05.137 --> 17:05.857
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll do my best.
17:06.017 --> 17:07.057
[SPEAKER_01]: And then if you can't, great.
17:07.438 --> 17:08.858
[SPEAKER_01]: And if not, it's like, we didn't commit.
17:11.048 --> 17:15.030
[SPEAKER_02]: I heard someone say once that no is a full sentence.
17:15.510 --> 17:15.910
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
17:16.290 --> 17:16.610
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes.
17:16.730 --> 17:18.751
[SPEAKER_02]: So let that sink in a little bit.
17:18.951 --> 17:21.492
[SPEAKER_02]: No is a complete sentence.
17:21.953 --> 17:24.374
[SPEAKER_02]: And it took me a long time to realize that.
17:24.494 --> 17:26.594
[SPEAKER_02]: And I know many of us feel that.
17:27.475 --> 17:32.277
[SPEAKER_02]: But what I also found out is that the more I really knew my limits.
17:32.957 --> 17:39.658
[SPEAKER_02]: And what, and was able to say no sometimes, then it made the yeses so much better.
17:40.119 --> 17:45.060
[SPEAKER_02]: Because when we're saying yes all the time, we do feel overwhelmed, we feel burnt out.
17:45.080 --> 17:48.440
[SPEAKER_02]: And we don't enjoy all the things that we're just committing to.
17:48.460 --> 17:53.381
[SPEAKER_02]: And then we get that guilt, which I'm going to transition into guilt.
17:53.421 --> 17:54.381
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's talk about it.
17:54.862 --> 17:56.162
[SPEAKER_02]: I know a lot of parents
17:57.161 --> 18:03.064
[SPEAKER_02]: feel and there's I mean, we guilt covers so many different avenues when it comes to parenthood.
18:03.124 --> 18:07.966
[SPEAKER_02]: But let's talk about guilt when it comes to taking care of ourselves.
18:08.266 --> 18:09.607
[SPEAKER_02]: You talked about goals.
18:10.167 --> 18:13.008
[SPEAKER_02]: What about going after our own personal goals?
18:13.368 --> 18:19.591
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you help people reframe that so that they don't feel that guilt?
18:20.372 --> 18:20.632
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
18:21.846 --> 18:28.498
[SPEAKER_01]: What I have noticed is it's about allowing people to see that it is safe to prioritize yourself, right?
18:28.578 --> 18:34.228
[SPEAKER_01]: And that it is beneficial to not only you, but to everybody involved, right?
18:35.120 --> 18:37.101
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, Ava's barely two years old.
18:37.141 --> 18:37.561
[SPEAKER_01]: She's not.
18:37.621 --> 18:38.641
[SPEAKER_01]: She's just twenty-one months.
18:39.121 --> 18:42.982
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've been training for a half marathon for two outmarathon for this whole year.
18:43.582 --> 18:48.943
[SPEAKER_01]: And she can already see each of mommy runs, mommy runs, you know, and then she'll run around the apartment.
18:49.284 --> 18:50.644
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's really interesting, right?
18:50.684 --> 18:56.966
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you're showing them, but it's good and safe and, you know, important to have goals, right?
18:57.006 --> 19:02.227
[SPEAKER_01]: They might not know that they are goals, but it's like, oh, you're teaching them by how you're showing up for yourself.
19:03.334 --> 19:12.521
[SPEAKER_01]: And in terms of guilt, I really think that it's like give yourself an experiment to see that you don't need all this time, right, to feel better.
19:12.901 --> 19:17.645
[SPEAKER_01]: And when you feel better, how much better do you show up for your kids, for your partner?
19:19.507 --> 19:25.211
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, yes, so important because when we do take care of ourselves, I mean, we know this.
19:26.292 --> 19:28.954
[SPEAKER_02]: When we take care of ourselves, we're better for those around us.
19:31.305 --> 19:35.514
[SPEAKER_02]: You wrote something in what you call letters from a life coach.
19:35.734 --> 19:41.486
[SPEAKER_02]: And I, I'd like to shift here for a minute and read it if, if I may.
19:41.506 --> 19:42.287
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes.
19:43.358 --> 19:55.045
[SPEAKER_02]: So it says, I realized yesterday that we're not just waking up, working, taking the dog out, figuring out dinner, managing schedules, and doing bedtime.
19:55.786 --> 19:58.567
[SPEAKER_02]: But instead, we're building a whole dang life.
19:59.288 --> 20:06.412
[SPEAKER_02]: It's funny how the routine and the day-to-day get overlooked until it all was set in your entire life is gone by.
20:07.093 --> 20:12.196
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm living my life right now, and I'm determined not to miss it.
20:13.129 --> 20:15.451
[SPEAKER_02]: I get goose bumps every time I read that.
20:16.112 --> 20:24.720
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you remind parents all these moments in the day equal a full life?
20:26.525 --> 20:27.385
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so good.
20:27.725 --> 20:28.886
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, thank you for reading that.
20:29.706 --> 20:54.233
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, where I realize this and this, like, you know, might help somebody else is that the weeks feel like they fly by and sometimes it feels like you're just waiting for the next moment or the next moment or that vacation or that holiday, but like majority of our time is doing the mundane or that the typical or the routine.
20:55.392 --> 20:58.915
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, wow, that is my life, too.
20:59.796 --> 21:09.784
[SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't necessarily a brand new realization, but a very, like, a realization in the sense of that was another day that's gone by with her at that age.
21:11.214 --> 21:16.278
[SPEAKER_01]: that was another moment that I really don't get back and somehow like I almost have a two year old.
21:16.999 --> 21:20.262
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I was here the whole time and I'm like, where did the time go, right?
21:20.282 --> 21:21.643
[SPEAKER_01]: And I really tried to be present.
21:22.183 --> 21:28.529
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, it was almost like a slowing down that made me realize like these are the important days too.
21:28.649 --> 21:30.591
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, everybody says like you'll miss them.
21:31.291 --> 21:31.511
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
21:31.591 --> 21:35.333
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, yeah, like the hard moments are hard, but it's like, there's a lot of good in there too.
21:35.813 --> 21:37.574
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I just don't want to miss it.
21:37.954 --> 21:42.096
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so sometimes I really am the like the too much parent of like, I'll do this.
21:42.217 --> 21:42.917
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll bring your here.
21:43.077 --> 21:46.859
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I just want to be all in because I know how quick it goes.
21:47.499 --> 21:50.781
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, from what I've already seen and like just other parts of life, too.
21:50.861 --> 21:55.863
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm like, that slowing down made me realize that, you know, this is, this is it.
21:56.003 --> 21:56.444
[SPEAKER_01]: We're in it.
21:57.184 --> 21:58.825
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and you don't get it back.
22:00.577 --> 22:01.358
[SPEAKER_02]: You really don't.
22:01.678 --> 22:06.962
[SPEAKER_02]: And often people look at Instagram and think, that's what a purpose driven life looks like.
22:07.322 --> 22:13.286
[SPEAKER_02]: What about every moment where we're present for our kids, our loved ones, people in our lives that give us joy?
22:13.706 --> 22:22.893
[SPEAKER_02]: And how can we look at the mundane and see it as part of our larger purpose and seeing it for the meaning it really gives to our lives?
22:23.436 --> 22:26.577
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I actually just talked about this today in place of possibility.
22:26.957 --> 22:31.659
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's been some narrative of it on social media too, but like the romanticizing of your life.
22:32.300 --> 22:34.861
[SPEAKER_01]: Like for me, we like to make sauce on Sunday.
22:35.041 --> 22:37.362
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't do it every Sunday, but whenever we can, we do.
22:37.862 --> 22:39.683
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like, I am not just making sauce.
22:39.723 --> 22:41.703
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm not just throwing sauce on the stove.
22:41.763 --> 22:44.024
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it is something that makes me happy.
22:44.164 --> 22:46.145
[SPEAKER_01]: It is something that like my husband enjoys doing.
22:46.365 --> 22:47.866
[SPEAKER_01]: It is something that Ava likes to do now.
22:47.926 --> 22:49.847
[SPEAKER_01]: Like she likes to test it and like stir it.
22:49.887 --> 22:50.007
[SPEAKER_01]: Like
22:51.108 --> 22:52.949
[SPEAKER_01]: It is a creation of happiness.
22:52.969 --> 22:56.052
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm taking a typical Sunday and adding some magic on it, right?
22:56.312 --> 23:01.657
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, in the morning when we make coffee, we turn on Dean Martin and it is just a little bit extra.
23:01.737 --> 23:05.400
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, are we making coffee or are we making coffee?
23:05.800 --> 23:06.421
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
23:06.521 --> 23:09.103
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, nobody is going to do that for you, but yourself.
23:09.643 --> 23:16.449
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, we've got to find small ways to make things more meaningful, intentional, more fun.
23:17.370 --> 23:17.530
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
23:17.570 --> 23:23.114
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like if we're going to do this for as long as time, reminders will do it with our desires in mind.
23:24.795 --> 23:26.877
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and have some fun along the way, right?
23:26.997 --> 23:27.437
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
23:28.478 --> 23:33.501
[SPEAKER_02]: So Lauren, let's talk about some practical tools and coaching strategies for real life.
23:33.642 --> 23:39.946
[SPEAKER_02]: What are some of the small, realistic changes that can make a big difference in a family life?
23:41.147 --> 23:43.949
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I guess the question is like, what do they want to change, too?
23:45.350 --> 23:45.590
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
23:46.151 --> 23:46.371
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
23:46.491 --> 23:46.711
[SPEAKER_02]: What?
23:46.731 --> 23:47.492
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
23:47.712 --> 23:47.932
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
23:49.213 --> 23:50.355
[SPEAKER_02]: Like habits stacking.
23:50.435 --> 23:51.636
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I love that idea.
23:51.756 --> 23:56.320
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you explain what that really is and how it can really work for busy families?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So actually, I feel like I've heard that term from atomic habits and I really love that and how I understand it is like when you do one thing, you do another.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And a principle that I share with my clients is like, let's just make it easy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: There is no prize in struggling.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But like I work with like a lot of like very motivated working professionals or doing all the things we're in all the hats.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's kind of like that narrative like if we're not struggling, if it's not hard, it's not going to work or it's not good enough.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's like, how do we create habits that really just like set us up for success ahead of time?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that make it easy to complete.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right, so it's like I know that when I like I open the fringe to grab my coffee creamer, I'm gonna grab like a glass of water and chug it or I know that when I get home from like an outing, I'm gonna refill the diaper bag right away.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like I take my shoes off and refill the diaper bag.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just kind of like one thing triggers another thing.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And that way you don't have to spend a lot of time debating when am I going to do it?
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[SPEAKER_01]: When should I do it?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Do I have time to do it?
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like let's just do it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Because so much of our time gets eaten up and like the overthinking.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like all right, but I know I take my shoes off.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I pre-fill the diaper bag.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and that sounds like a way to reframe those limiting beliefs.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So many parents are challenged by that I don't have time or I'm or feel like I'm not doing enough.
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[SPEAKER_02]: How can they
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[SPEAKER_02]: begin to reframe it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You gave some examples.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Are there other examples?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And here's what I want to offer about limiting beliefs.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like the very, very first step is I think it's really helpful to just look at what we tell ourselves repeatedly.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Because a lot of these thoughts, I'm sure are like not brand new.
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[SPEAKER_01]: They're just a flavor of a different thought that we had probably before a parenthood or like an early parenthood or whatever it might be.
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[SPEAKER_01]: and just really to bring them to awareness.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, ooh, like, is that true?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even notice I was saying that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But a lot of the things are just kind of unconscious, and they just kind of run, run, run, run, run, but what we don't maybe realize is that they're actually creating our whole life.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so in terms of time, like, I get caught up in that chilling.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't have any time, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like, that's not true.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm doing these other things.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I have time for this, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I might not have as much time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But in the time that I do have, what am I going to do with it and how am I going to use it?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, exactly, exactly.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And what are some tools or strategies you recommend managing expectations on your own, but also the ones that we feel from others?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Mm, yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I think this is probably one of the biggest changes for me in terms of managing expectations with Eva and like how things should go.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think I shared this a while ago with you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I learned this from Byron Katie, but it's really just like that you argue with reality you lose every single time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I keep that in mind when I'm like, she shouldn't be doing that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: She should be taking a nap.
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[SPEAKER_01]: She should be going to bed or she should be eating that or whatever it might be.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, but she is not.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And so what am I going to do about that versus just trying to like drive my own narrative?
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[SPEAKER_01]: of she should like all my expectations that I have for her because what I've noticed is that that just sets me up for failure and then I'm disappointed I'm getting worked up you know I have like this resistance right like I'm just trying to like fight current reality we're like when I let that go I can actually handle the situation that's actually unfolding versus the one I think should be happening
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like I think about, we went on a cross-country road trip.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think about this when we, I got caught off guard thinking like, oh, we're just gonna drop our bags.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We were really excited to go to Moab, Utah.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We finally got there.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We were gonna drop our bags and we were just gonna go find a restaurant and watch those forts and then do a late night hike.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And then all of a sudden I was like, oh wait, we have to unpack.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We have to get her food.
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[SPEAKER_01]: We have to get extra, it was like a process.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I felt like my energy dropping.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what happened here?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, I was just like, my expectations weren't met.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But that was because, like, I forgot that this is how it is, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Versus thinking like, oh, this is how it should be.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I should be on this trip, doing this should be easier.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh, no, this is how it is, and this is okay.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I just need to come back and remember that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And every time I do, like, I have an overall better time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can show up better for her.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I would agree too, it's important also to manage expectations with your partner, because it's important for you to be on the same page, especially in certain situations, obviously.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And even managing expectations for what we think the should should be as well, because that's so important and making sure that, okay, we're on the same page, we understand it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: the same way and you're managing each other's expectations as well.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And that's just communication, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, gosh.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like given I have that to communicate and communicate and over communicate and we still laugh that we miss understand.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, how do we miss understand there?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was so explicit and it could be about anything.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I really do feel like it's like driving your thoughts home and being like explicit and like, don't make assumptions, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like that comes from the book of like the four agreements, like don't make assumptions.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can never assume that he knows what I'm thinking or that he knows I want that sort, that I don't want that.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like saying for him, really requires like that over communicating and like asking what the other person needs.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So good, so good.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's true.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's true.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It never really ends.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And again, like I said in the intro, whether it's little or teens, you have to keep that communication going and remembering to take care of yourself.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I know we brought that up earlier and reminding yourself of your goals so that when you show up for yourself, you're showing up for others, right?
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
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[SPEAKER_01]: All right.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So quick, quick wins for listeners.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What's one small thing a parent can do this week to feel a little more in control?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I've got a few.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Stop telling yourself you're out of control, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Check your calendar.
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[SPEAKER_01]: make some standing appointments and follow through.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But do it one day at a time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Do not, like I know, I told you to look at the whole month, but that was really just gain awareness.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what could your calendar day by day and go one day at a time?
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[SPEAKER_01]: There is something to be said from micro shifts because those become the macro waves.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But you've got to be willing to go small.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's make it doable and let that momentum build and then yourself belief build.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like commit to one thing a day for yourself or commit to one thing you wanted to follow through on and then do it again the next day and then do it again the next day.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, so good, so good.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You mentioned the importance of asking better questions.
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[SPEAKER_02]: What do you mean by that?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And how compare and start doing that?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I just feel like when you ask yourself questions in a way, you're pre-supposing the answers.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, what's wrong with me?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Why can't I ever get this right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, something's wrong with me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Can I ever get it right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right or like, why can I be good like them?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not good at this.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And all that to me is going to do is like drop your energy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Not really give you helpful answers.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's just going to perpetuate what else is wrong with me.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But when we ask letter questions, we get better answers in the words of Tony Robbins, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: And when you get better answers, you can do something with that information, right?
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like data.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, instead of like, what's wrong with me?
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, what could I do better here?
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[SPEAKER_01]: What could I do differently next time?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I call it like life lab experiment.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like I'm going to be like a scientist in my life lab and I'm just going to I'm going to get the data and I'm going to do something with it like I need to evaluate here like what worked what didn't what am I going to do differently next time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But overall like depending on the questions you asked yourself like you'll just feel it like you'll feel how it affects you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so important.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And I really want to also tell some people here that are listening, if it weren't for you, Lauren, I wouldn't be here at Growing Up with Dr. Sarah.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I worked with Lauren as a life coach to find what my next steps were as I was looking for some new ways to communicate with others to be a reliable source of information.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So I do want to thank you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So much because we're here because of you.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I want to thank you for keep going and sharing your knowledge and like the world needs it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So yes, to you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: So any last words of wisdom before we go over some closing thoughts.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I always love the thought that, like, you are one thought away from a totally different life.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And whether that is a total revamp or a shift in just less overwhelmed, less chaos in more peace, more calm, more control.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, probably just one thought away.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Right, and there's so much possibility in that and just keep going because it doesn't need to be perfect for a to work.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't need to not be messy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't need to.
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[SPEAKER_01]: You need to have everything all your docs in a row to feel better.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's just like be willing to get started and to keep going.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for being here.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Where can listeners find you sign up for your newsletter, connect with your work, or learn more about life coaching?
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[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm primarily on Instagram.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's at low nanny.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So like, vannanny, but with an eye.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can go to my website, Laurenanny.com.
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[SPEAKER_01]: There's a bunch of ways to connect with me there.
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[SPEAKER_01]: But I also do believe my email address is in my bio on Instagram.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So you can also reach me via email too.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, thank you so much for joining us for this inspirational conversation.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And if you're a parent who's feeling stuck or stretched, then I hope you heard something today that reminds you, you're not alone.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It is possible to design a life that works for you and your family, to learn more about today's guest and how you can connect with her, check out the show notes.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And if you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, share it with a friend, leave a review, and until next time, take care.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Be kind to yourself and let's grow up together.
