How to Build Habits That Actually Stick: Why Consistency Beats Perfection for Moms

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[SPEAKER_02]: I think there's things that we wanna do for ourselves that just involve ourselves, like, or just like, things that don't involve our kids.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right, and then there's parts of your life where you get to say, okay, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, it's not gonna be everything, maybe I once saw or once had, but where am I willing to bring them in?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right, what does that look like for you?

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[SPEAKER_02]: And for me, that is just like, okay, when I'm home with her, we're gonna make coffee together.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And it's not always this like super relaxing experience, but it's fun.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you raising a family while also feeling like you're still growing out yourself?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you wonder if you are getting it right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Growing Up with Dr. Sarah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: She's a pediatrician and a mom, and she helps the whole family.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Hi, I'm Dr. Sarah Adams, a board certified pediatrician, but I'm not your pediatrician.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Feel free to use my podcast as helpful information, but in no way do I intend my podcast to replace the advice of your physician.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Your physician knows you and is in the best position to provide medical advice.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to Growing Up with Dr. Sarah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm Dr. Sarah Adams, and I'd love to hear from you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If you've ever found yourself wondering, is my child on track for their age?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Or why aren't they talking or walking yet?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You're not alone.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Send me questions that's challenging you the most.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You can leave a comment on YouTube or email me directly at growingupwithdoctor.sera at gmail.com.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'll read your questions and my answers in an upcoming episode.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Today, we're talking about something almost every person struggles with, building habits that actually stick and incorporating them into real life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If you've ever said, I'll start Monday, or felt like you're constantly trying routines that never quite hold.

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[SPEAKER_01]: This episode is for you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: My guest today is Life Coach Lauren Manney, who also happens to be my daughter-in-law and the mom of my grandbaby Eva.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So this conversation is both professional and personal.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We get to see her approach to habits and routines, not just through the lens of coaching.

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[SPEAKER_01]: but through the everyday reality of motherhood, Lauren, I'm so glad you're here.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad you're here.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad you're here.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for having me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Lauren, I want to start with something that so many of us can relate to, and that is restart culture.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The idea that we're always beginning again, and usually from scratch, can you give an example of restart culture and kind of walk us through what's really happening where we keep saying, I'll start my journey.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I think there is really good intention behind the restart culture, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: We're motivated.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We want to be doing the things, but I believe what is happening is that we're trying to do an overhaul of our life.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So every Monday, we're trying to make it perfect and make it nice in a way that is not sustainable, in a way that is not doable for our current circumstances.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And so we might start off strong, but by

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[SPEAKER_02]: Tuesday evening Wednesday, we have potted out because it's hard to live our life amongst our overhaul.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And then we think that it's not working and we're not a person who can do this and so we quit.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But then we don't quit long enough because we know we're meant for this.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We know that we're going to be good at this, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: We just got to figure it out.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And so we start right back up on Monday, kind of using that motivation and that fresh start to get us going again.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, what I hear you seeing is kind of like that all or nothing thinking I I know myself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, okay, I want to drink 80 ounces of water and I want to get 30 minutes plus of movement and I'm going to journal and I'm going to write gratitude all the things, but what?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, what's the harm in all that all or nothing thinking?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You touched on it a little bit.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, it's like, it all sounds nice, but then none of it gets done, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, we want to find something that can stick.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, it's nice to think that we could do all these things starting Monday and maybe Tuesday, but then if we actually look at the rest of the week or like the weeks thereafter, how much is actually getting done?

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[SPEAKER_02]: It's usually a little to nothing because we burnt ourselves out or then we think that we just can't do it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I know myself, I struggle with perfectionism.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes I think it's a disguise for discipline.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What do you think is meant by that?

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[SPEAKER_02]: What I hear is, we think that if we are perfect, it's going to work.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But I think we need to go in and actually look at what perfection is for us.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And the definition that we hold and what's actually going to be able to work in our lives.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that there is a sneaky belief that if it's perfect, it works.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But like we have to look at, in our attempts to be perfect, how long does it actually work?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And from a pediatric standpoint, I think this is really important.

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[SPEAKER_01]: When we're constantly hard on ourselves, our bodies stay in that stress mode, and children are deeply connected to our emotional tone.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They feel when we're tense, and they feel when we're grounded.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so that regulation is really contagious.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I love regulating.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I swear it's a superpower.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, we're in our Sesame Street era and Cookie Monster always says, like, re-modulating.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just like, yeah.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We got to find a way to come back to center because everywhere we go, there we are.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, in interactions with our kids, how we're setting up our day at work, like everything.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I agree.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And as we talk about this, viewers are actually seeing a clip of you walking on the treadmill at 9 p.m. Not ideal timing, not a perfect routine.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But it's consistent.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What is that represent in a contrast to that restart culture?

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[SPEAKER_02]: So I just so like my mission in life is to

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I know that there are stories that are held that like when you have kids like your needs go out the window or that, you know, you don't have time for yourself.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And what I have found is that like you got to create consistency amongst the inconsistencies.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm currently training for the LA marathon and I would love to tell you that every day I get up and I just like have a checklist and it all gets checked off and like this orderly fashion with no stress and no distractions.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But that is not the case, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: So it's like I have all these roles that I want to be great at like motherhood and owning a business amongst other things, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: But I also have personal roles.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And so I have to be willing to say it's not going to look

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right, and if I needed to be perfect, I am likely not going to do it, because I'm not working out at the same time every day.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right, like that in particular was a day where my needs in terms of training and working out were moved to the end of the day.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right, and it's like, no, I, if I could, you know, draw it up, I wouldn't be doing it at nine.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right, but it's like, I do want to be doing it, and so the nine is the best option that I have, and therefore I got in my work out in that day as well.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So it might not be pretty, but it was consistent.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I would imagine that sticking with what your plans are, whether it's 9 a.m. or 9 p.m. helps if you create sustainable routines.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So let's talk about routines.

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[SPEAKER_01]: From a pediatric perspective, we know kids thrive unpredictability, but so many women feel like they can't maintain routines themselves.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Why do routines break down even when the intention is good?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, it's interesting to hear you say that kids thrive off for teens.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I swear adults do too because like I know that I do and a lot of my clients do, um, but when I think about like why did they break down?

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[SPEAKER_02]: I think it tends to kind of go into that like all or nothing mentality, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like I've got to do it all or it doesn't count, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Or there's like a sense of like I have to overhaul my life in order to feel better.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And if I don't overhaul right like change it all, do all the most extreme things.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And it's not going to make a difference.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And then I think that we forget about like a current life and we take routines and ways of being and doing from the past and we try to shove like that round peg in the square hole.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like well, maybe I don't have a couple hours in the morning or maybe I don't have enjoyed these kinds of like exercises or diets anymore or whatever it might be like I think we kind of we go automatic when it's really a place to go.

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[SPEAKER_02]: incredibly conscious at first and then make it automatic, like decide consciously what our routines are going to look like.

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[SPEAKER_01]: When parents build sustainable routines and steady their own nervous systems, it directly shapes the emotional climate of the home.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I love hearing from you our listeners so please comment below and share the routine tip or hack that works best for you and don't forget to like this video and subscribe to the channel so it helps other parents like you find it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you bring up a really good point.

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[SPEAKER_01]: How do you help women build habits that actually fit into the season of life they're in instead of trying to force a routine

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[SPEAKER_02]: I think, first off, you got to go in and ask the most basic question of all time, but it's the most important question is like, what do you really want right now?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right, what do you need in this area in this phase of life, and what's the most doable way to get that going for you?

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I'll tell you, you know, we, if say it's like being healthier, working out more, you got to first find out what your starting point is.

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[SPEAKER_02]: because it's like, if we're not moving at all, it's so easy to be like, I'm gonna work out five days a week.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And there is nothing sexy about saying, I'm gonna work out five days a week where you end up at zero.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But it sounds good.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, I find myself in that.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

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[SPEAKER_02]: It sounds good.

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[SPEAKER_02]: It sounds like this is what people are saying.

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[SPEAKER_02]: This is a nice check mark every day.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But it's like, let's build into that, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, really got to know and be honest with yourself, and allow yourself to grow.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I'm reflecting and I'm just being vulnerable and honest in this conversation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I started to have the tracker and it was interesting.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I looked at it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the first two weeks, I'm like check check check check check check.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then all of a sudden, the last like two weeks, there were like no checks.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then when I went back to look at it, when I thought, okay, February, now I'm going to.

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[SPEAKER_01]: go ahead and start this habit track again and I looked at January and I thought wow I really come out came out guns blazing but then I fell off and I I agree I think it was that I really wasn't choosing the right movement, the right routines that whatever you want to call it that didn't fit into where my life is right now.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I also think it's helpful to slow it down to

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[SPEAKER_02]: because like actually taking inventory of every day or every week and looking at what's working for me.

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[SPEAKER_02]: What am I liking?

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[SPEAKER_02]: What am I not liking?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Before like the train goes off the tracks.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Because then it just feels like, oh, I'm just not a person that can do it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: When really maybe something else was happening in life, maybe you don't even enjoy the things that you said you wanted to do, which is all good information.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We just have to like do something with that information then instead of letting it kind of spiral into the story of who we are and who are not.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me what you think about planning around energy versus just time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What does that shift actually look like practically?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like I love that even though it was hard for you to get your run-in, you managed a way to do it and not because of the energy that you had because of the plan that you made and you executed it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Versus, oh, I didn't get it done at such and such time

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[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I first learned this when Ava was in Newborn and I just was like, okay, I want to be able to remember trying to link the house the first time and it was such an experience and it took so long and I was like, oh my gosh, like all this window of time went by and I remember I had to like settle myself down and be like, look, these are the things that we're going to do.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I learned kind of from like getting burned from having my expectations a little bit too high.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I said at this point in this phase of life, we're going to get in a coffee.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to journal and I can't remember what the other thing was, but I just set like an overall day expectation knowing that there's a lot of unpredictability.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I was new with this and whatnot.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So it was like I don't have set times.

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[SPEAKER_02]: No one's going to come in and see me doing these perfectly groomed routines.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But like I knew that there was consistency within the inconsistency.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I knew that because I decided on it and I like put focus on it like I put my finger on it right like I had to decide and so when I think about like working out at night right like oh yeah it would have been great if I had done it earlier but the only thing that makes it not happen at all is if I make that mean that that was a failure.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You have to decide and define what your success is going to look like.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care that I'm a person working out at 9pm.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe people wouldn't recommend it, but it's what I choose to do, and I'm going to show up, and I'm going to get this workout in, because that's what I don't regret.

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[SPEAKER_01]: it's so true.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know, I even saw that video and I thought to myself, I'm going to go down into the gym.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that sometimes even though you're building routine, it could look messy and that's okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's, it's so interesting because in pediatrics,

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[SPEAKER_01]: You talked about predictability and routine and how it helps adults and it regulates children as well and reduces our stress response, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: It lowers anxiety of it builds safety.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And as moms, I feel like we're constantly in survival modes sometimes.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And sustaining that rhythm can be really, really hard.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I love the video of you making coffee with Eva and that routine is relational, not rigid, like we're talking about how can moms rethink routines to include their children instead of feeling constantly interrupted by them.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You know, that's such a great question.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I think there's things that we want to do for ourselves that just involve ourselves, like, or just like things that don't involve our kids, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: And then there's parts of your life where you get to say, okay, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, it's not going to be everything.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe I once saw or once had, but where am I willing to bring them in?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_02]: What does that look like for you?

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[SPEAKER_02]: And for me, that is just like, okay, when I'm home with her, we're going to make coffee together.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And it's not always this like super relaxing experience, but it's fun.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So you have to decide, like, and set your expectations.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm not just sitting down and like kicking my feet up, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: We're really working this espresso machine together.

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[SPEAKER_02]: She looks forward to it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We even do like we have like the app for Italian and she knows that like we make her coffee and we do we learn Italian and it's like our little fun thing and the attention span to it maybe a couple minutes it's not perfect but it's like she knows we do together and I know we do together and I look forward to it too right instead of being like I'm going to go make a pretty coffee and I'm going to go read and meditate while I do this it's like this is my an avis time it's going to be a little chaotic it's going to be a lot of fun and I'm just leaning into it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, look at your life, like, where are the parts that you want to involve your kids?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Willingly knowing that it's not going to be super pretty, super organized all the time.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I also like to cook with her, and I just know, I'm like, it's going to take a lot of bit longer, but it's way more fun to bring her in than trying to like play and cook, play and cook, and like, let's just do it together, and she's into it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm like, those are the parts where I'm willing to kind of make it work.

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[SPEAKER_02]: But you got to find what works for you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know when I've watched Eva in the past and I was thinking about like, okay, how am I going to get the stretch in or even some late lifting?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And she came into the room with me and just had a blast.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We both got on her mat and like you said, it wasn't like perfect.

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[SPEAKER_01]: She kept wanting to switch mats with me, which was adorable.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what, we got it done and we both had fun.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I felt like, okay, I could, I could check that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's another point.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's another point.

16:59.376 --> 17:07.849
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we talked about perfection, we've talked about things that are messy, we've talked about, you know, all or nothing.

17:08.330 --> 17:14.860
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know one thing that I'm dealing with, and I imagine a lot of women out there,

17:14.840 --> 17:16.963
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, kind of goes back to season of life.

17:17.023 --> 17:21.731
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I wish I could do what I used to be able to do.

17:22.512 --> 17:26.659
[SPEAKER_01]: But instead of just sitting here wishing, oh, I wish I could run three miles.

17:27.200 --> 17:31.226
[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't I go and walk and work up to three miles again?

17:31.286 --> 17:38.538
[SPEAKER_01]: And what ends up happening is I have to accept that what I'm capable of right now is enough versus doing nothing.

17:38.978 --> 17:39.720
[SPEAKER_02]: Spot on.

17:40.240 --> 17:41.843
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you going to let it be enough?

17:41.823 --> 17:44.167
[SPEAKER_02]: So that it could become more if that's what you want.

17:44.347 --> 17:50.617
[SPEAKER_02]: But anytime you keep like living in the world of like this isn't enough, what happens from that place is like you to you stop doing it all together.

17:50.898 --> 17:51.418
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.

17:51.879 --> 17:55.064
[SPEAKER_02]: Which like consciously we can see it's like, oh, that's not going to get me any closer.

17:55.405 --> 17:57.608
[SPEAKER_02]: But in the moment it just feels like, well, I'm not where I want to be.

17:57.669 --> 18:00.473
[SPEAKER_02]: But it's like, wait, this is like your in-process.

18:00.453 --> 18:01.295
[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.

18:01.335 --> 18:02.298
[SPEAKER_01]: It's exactly.

18:02.318 --> 18:03.581
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's make this practical.

18:04.223 --> 18:14.209
[SPEAKER_01]: If there's a mom or woman listening right now who wants to build one habit that sticks, where should she begin by asking yourself what that is.

18:14.645 --> 18:16.266
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want you to go to Instagram.

18:16.286 --> 18:18.048
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want you to go look out anywhere else.

18:18.168 --> 18:20.550
[SPEAKER_02]: I want you to decide, what do you feel like you need right now?

18:21.211 --> 18:23.393
[SPEAKER_02]: What is the one thing that you've been thinking about?

18:24.534 --> 18:24.674
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

18:24.694 --> 18:28.057
[SPEAKER_02]: What is the one habit that you feel like would make such a difference in your life?

18:28.617 --> 18:31.620
[SPEAKER_02]: Because usually you find that one and it's like a domino effect for the others.

18:33.041 --> 18:35.744
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I want you to get honest about yourself at your starting point.

18:35.804 --> 18:43.150
[SPEAKER_02]: Because this doesn't come from, this is not about judgment, this is not about criticism, this is just about curiosity so that you can make this a real thing.

18:44.480 --> 18:44.760
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

18:44.780 --> 18:50.268
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I want you to go put it into practice, like schedule it, learned from it.

18:51.330 --> 18:52.231
[SPEAKER_02]: I call it the life lab.

18:52.251 --> 18:52.852
[SPEAKER_02]: That's my thing.

18:53.012 --> 18:54.795
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, hey, we're going to go into our life lab.

18:55.236 --> 18:56.758
[SPEAKER_02]: And we're going to decide on a couple things.

18:56.798 --> 18:58.080
[SPEAKER_02]: And then we're going to be a scientist.

18:58.961 --> 19:02.366
[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to say, what worked, what did it, and what am I going to do differently going forward?

19:02.927 --> 19:04.970
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it's like, this is new in a way.

19:05.471 --> 19:08.936
[SPEAKER_02]: And we've got to go get curious instead of just shutting down if it doesn't happen.

19:09.597 --> 19:11.179
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, no, let's build into it.

19:12.543 --> 19:23.118
[SPEAKER_02]: So ask yourself what you want and find your starting point and then make a, I don't love the word realistic, like a realistic goal, but the one that's going to stretch you.

19:23.579 --> 19:35.496
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you're starting point zero, don't make it seven days a week, right, almost let yourself like kind of roll your eyes at it, that it's almost so easy build consistency with that and then build on to it.

19:36.353 --> 19:45.321
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so what I hear you saying is, start smaller than you think, because starting small can be powerful and then build from there.

19:45.421 --> 19:47.243
[SPEAKER_01]: And then celebrate what you did.

19:47.263 --> 19:47.723
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, too.

19:47.903 --> 19:49.245
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, that's the part of the lifelift, too.

19:49.265 --> 19:51.126
[SPEAKER_02]: It was like actually acknowledge your wins.

19:51.547 --> 19:54.249
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it's really easy than all of a sudden that we're doing these things.

19:54.269 --> 19:55.750
[SPEAKER_02]: We're like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's no good deal.

19:55.811 --> 19:57.892
[SPEAKER_02]: But at like a one point, this was a big deal.

19:57.952 --> 20:00.575
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's really helpful to track your growth.

20:01.015 --> 20:02.597
[SPEAKER_02]: Because your brain doesn't want to focus on that.

20:02.637 --> 20:03.978
[SPEAKER_02]: It just wants to focus on the gaps.

20:04.018 --> 20:06.360
[SPEAKER_02]: And look where you're not.

20:06.340 --> 20:09.205
[SPEAKER_02]: But like really what you're doing is building that person.

20:09.946 --> 20:10.247
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

20:10.387 --> 20:14.535
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think about the term identity-based habits.

20:15.076 --> 20:20.746
[SPEAKER_01]: And shifting from, I'm trying to work out to you, I'm someone who moves my body.

20:21.247 --> 20:23.551
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you feel that changes fall through?

20:24.052 --> 20:27.538
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, like you always like to assimilate to who you believe you are.

20:27.518 --> 20:28.319
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

20:28.560 --> 20:32.667
[SPEAKER_02]: So even how you speak about yourself, how you like the things you actually go do.

20:32.707 --> 20:34.670
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, what does the healthy person do?

20:35.812 --> 20:38.176
[SPEAKER_02]: What does the routine version of you do?

20:40.080 --> 20:42.123
[SPEAKER_02]: What is the well-regulated version of you do?

20:43.866 --> 20:44.027
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

20:44.047 --> 20:49.476
[SPEAKER_02]: Like really getting curious of like, if I didn't think I wasn't this person, what would I be doing?

20:49.861 --> 20:58.814
[SPEAKER_02]: And I also think it's helpful to not latch on to somebody's day 956 compared to your day one because we're like, well, what do they do?

20:58.854 --> 21:02.078
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, they're running how far and how long and we're working out how many days.

21:02.118 --> 21:08.427
[SPEAKER_02]: If nothing else get curious to where they started and they get back in your lane.

21:08.812 --> 21:09.233
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

21:09.654 --> 21:09.975
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

21:10.696 --> 21:20.919
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to shift back to that image of you making coffee with Eva and I'll explain why for a second.

21:21.500 --> 21:27.934
[SPEAKER_01]: You mentioned that you made coffee with Eva and then you do Italian and that's like habit stacking.

21:27.914 --> 21:35.966
[SPEAKER_01]: Explain what habits stacking is in a way that feels doable as a woman, as a parent, as a mom.

21:36.126 --> 21:40.913
[SPEAKER_02]: And how I look at habits stacking is like, if when I do one thing, it automatically triggers another thing.

21:41.214 --> 21:41.474
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

21:42.315 --> 21:47.223
[SPEAKER_02]: And like, what another thing I do that just came to mind is like, if I get up in my feet at the floor, like, I'm chugging water.

21:47.263 --> 21:48.224
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

21:48.244 --> 21:52.510
[SPEAKER_02]: So it's like, I'm getting out of bed with my alarm and I'm chugging water because it's like going to help wake me up more.

21:52.550 --> 21:53.352
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

21:53.432 --> 21:57.718
[SPEAKER_02]: And it just makes things easier.

21:58.424 --> 22:00.652
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, so it's like, how do you make things easy?

22:00.692 --> 22:02.379
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, there's no award for the struggle.

22:02.499 --> 22:04.045
[SPEAKER_02]: I've learned that, right?

22:04.206 --> 22:08.080
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you can make it easier on yourself, it makes it more doable to follow through.

22:08.262 --> 22:11.086
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so it's like, I get out of bed every day.

22:11.547 --> 22:15.372
[SPEAKER_01]: So now I'm stacking another habit with getting out of bed.

22:15.533 --> 22:19.558
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to drink water, the coffee, and we're going to learn Italian.

22:19.879 --> 22:34.320
[SPEAKER_01]: And what I love about that, I'm thinking as you're talking that as an developmental perspective, kids learn executive functioning, planning, consistency, fall through, by watching it modeled,

22:34.300 --> 22:41.813
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think those quiet repeated habits teach more than just big dramatic resets?

22:41.995 --> 22:50.809
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yes, yes, because I think what a skill to show somebody because it is a skill to have that like my dating go as planned.

22:51.610 --> 22:52.211
[SPEAKER_02]: I can pivot.

22:53.032 --> 22:53.273
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

22:53.553 --> 22:54.775
[SPEAKER_02]: I can reason or myself.

22:54.915 --> 22:55.817
[SPEAKER_02]: I can refocus.

22:55.997 --> 22:58.501
[SPEAKER_02]: I can re-decide because life isn't perfect.

22:58.721 --> 23:00.604
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's like teaching a life skill.

23:01.245 --> 23:03.048
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, hey, you know, I have bulls too.

23:03.469 --> 23:04.270
[SPEAKER_02]: This went off track.

23:04.450 --> 23:05.812
[SPEAKER_02]: How am I going to get back to it?

23:06.433 --> 23:09.538
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, what I've noticed, they're always watching.

23:09.518 --> 23:15.667
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, and I'm like, you're teaching them how to be in, who to be, and what to prioritize in a way.

23:16.248 --> 23:21.495
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, like when I go down to the gym, like if she's still awake, like I will literally ask him and like come visit me.

23:21.996 --> 23:26.222
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'm doing that because I want her to see, like, oh, mom works out.

23:26.722 --> 23:29.787
[SPEAKER_02]: Mom takes care of herself, and now she's all into running.

23:29.947 --> 23:32.531
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, that was never like old, but that's so cool.

23:32.671 --> 23:33.732
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I love that.

23:34.253 --> 23:36.336
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, and it's just,

23:36.316 --> 23:50.393
[SPEAKER_02]: What if I didn't have a sitter like we would be like upstairs and like let's put on some pilates and it was like Not a very effective workout, but it did get done and she had fun and she knows now that like we do pilates

23:51.571 --> 23:56.861
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's just a way to just like, you teach them like what's important in a way.

23:57.121 --> 23:57.422
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

23:57.642 --> 23:58.383
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

23:59.145 --> 23:59.826
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

24:00.086 --> 24:03.172
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and that helps them in the long run as well.

24:03.232 --> 24:07.099
[SPEAKER_01]: I've heard Eva say I'm running like mommy which is super cute.

24:07.119 --> 24:07.239
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

24:07.259 --> 24:08.702
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that.

24:08.682 --> 24:16.791
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, mindset is everything and a lot of moms say they're waiting for lifestyle change until they feel motivated.

24:16.831 --> 24:25.941
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about motivation because it can be unpredictable and waves of motivation can be so unreliable.

24:25.981 --> 24:33.610
[SPEAKER_01]: I have to say, so if motivation isn't reliable, what kind of thinking actually supports consistency?

24:33.590 --> 24:33.910
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

24:33.951 --> 24:35.453
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's just talk about it for a second.

24:35.793 --> 24:37.035
[SPEAKER_02]: Motivation is amazing.

24:37.155 --> 24:40.080
[SPEAKER_02]: It is an amazing feeling to have and to harness and to create.

24:40.500 --> 24:42.483
[SPEAKER_02]: It is not required to make progress.

24:45.127 --> 24:49.494
[SPEAKER_02]: It is a feeling that comes from a way of thinking, right?

24:49.514 --> 24:51.517
[SPEAKER_02]: And so if we're not motivated, that's not a problem.

24:52.378 --> 24:55.823
[SPEAKER_02]: I believe that like, if you want to get something done, right?

24:55.843 --> 25:00.610
[SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot of other

25:01.298 --> 25:03.442
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know, sometimes he just got to go apathetic.

25:03.582 --> 25:05.005
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I might not want to do this.

25:05.045 --> 25:07.410
[SPEAKER_02]: This is what I said I was going to do, right?

25:07.430 --> 25:15.225
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't need motivation and what's interesting the enough is like once you get started, you usually feel more motivated, right?

25:15.265 --> 25:20.094
[SPEAKER_02]: But like waiting on motivation, I mean, you will then be like up and down, up and down.

25:20.755 --> 25:21.737
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's true.

25:21.785 --> 25:36.765
[SPEAKER_02]: Which though, I do want to add, like, if you really were quiet of feeling a motivation, think about thoughts that motivate you, think about your end goal, think about the pain of not having the things that you want, or the pleasure of like living in that life, right?

25:36.805 --> 25:41.992
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you can create motivation, but if it isn't found on like a random Tuesday morning, that is no problem.

25:42.893 --> 25:43.634
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

25:44.115 --> 25:50.003
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think sometimes when we keep a small promise

25:50.860 --> 25:53.343
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm wondering, can that build self-trust?

25:54.124 --> 25:58.709
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that builds a whole deeper relationship with yourself that involves self-trust.

25:59.090 --> 26:00.972
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you learn how to have your own back.

26:01.553 --> 26:06.298
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, having, you know, this season of life for me just really made me double down on myself.

26:06.799 --> 26:11.204
[SPEAKER_02]: Because, you know what, nobody is gonna come in and do the things that you wanna do for you.

26:11.244 --> 26:13.567
[SPEAKER_02]: Nobody can, everyone else is also busy.

26:13.907 --> 26:18.032
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you gotta be willing to draw the line in the sand and say, like, this is what I need.

26:18.012 --> 26:27.060
[SPEAKER_02]: right and sometimes you find out what you mean by getting a little burned by burning out and it's like, all right, I'm going to choose to do it differently and just trusting myself that I'm going to figure it out.

26:27.901 --> 26:31.844
[SPEAKER_01]: This is where the nervous system science fits in beautifully.

26:32.244 --> 26:41.512
[SPEAKER_01]: It's interesting because self trust and adults creates emotional steadiness in the home and emotional steadiness is what allows children to feel secure.

26:41.893 --> 26:42.894
[SPEAKER_02]: That makes so much sense.

26:42.914 --> 26:47.918
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like certainty like my

26:47.898 --> 26:48.339
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.

26:48.559 --> 26:50.000
[SPEAKER_01]: And resilience, right?

26:51.783 --> 27:03.897
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to talk about planning because I know it can reduce mental overwhelm over the course of the week and it's such a tangible part of your work and I know listeners will love it.

27:04.558 --> 27:08.322
[SPEAKER_01]: Walk us through your weekly setup process step by step.

27:08.462 --> 27:09.664
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so what I do?

27:09.704 --> 27:10.985
[SPEAKER_02]: I do a couple things.

27:11.706 --> 27:15.711
[SPEAKER_02]: One, first it's like let's find out like how much help we have.

27:15.691 --> 27:16.392
[SPEAKER_02]: this week.

27:16.412 --> 27:20.777
[SPEAKER_02]: So I guess I'll be back up like I have always dynamic changing schedule.

27:20.797 --> 27:22.599
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't have anything that's super consistent.

27:22.920 --> 27:28.006
[SPEAKER_02]: I've always lived like that and I continue to live like that and I like it, but it also poses its challenges.

27:28.206 --> 27:33.312
[SPEAKER_02]: So for me, it's really important to look at week by week and honestly day by day.

27:33.372 --> 27:36.376
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like, what, what is the help I have this week?

27:36.977 --> 27:39.640
[SPEAKER_02]: Kind of let me put in like my, my foundation.

27:40.683 --> 27:40.964
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

27:41.545 --> 27:46.375
[SPEAKER_02]: And then from there, it's like, okay, based on the help that I have, what am I going to do with that time?

27:48.079 --> 27:48.239
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

27:48.660 --> 27:49.642
[SPEAKER_02]: What is going to get done?

27:51.246 --> 27:55.354
[SPEAKER_02]: And then in the other days, it's like, okay, when I don't have help, these are my days with Eva.

27:56.377 --> 27:59.383
[SPEAKER_02]: And then it's like, I'm going to go think about how do I want to spend those days.

28:00.494 --> 28:08.655
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, and like I want to be the over-the-top celebrates the holidays, the dozen of things, right, and I look at like what's coming down the pipeline?

28:08.956 --> 28:10.560
[SPEAKER_02]: What are the things that I need to schedule?

28:10.640 --> 28:12.124
[SPEAKER_02]: What are the things I want to plan out?

28:13.447 --> 28:17.558
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, and I'm like really thinking about all of this, and I'm writing it down.

28:19.343 --> 28:31.159
[SPEAKER_02]: So like let me say that again like I'm looking at like the the basically like the foundation like the markers of like these are like my tried and truths this is the help I have this is how I'm now going to organize my tasks

28:32.152 --> 28:32.432
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

28:32.893 --> 28:39.239
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I say, okay, I look at the days that I have time to do X, Y, and Z in my business, what's going to get done?

28:39.760 --> 28:41.181
[SPEAKER_02]: When do I talk to my clients?

28:42.382 --> 28:42.622
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

28:42.983 --> 28:45.305
[SPEAKER_02]: Or do I need to communicate with gay bond something?

28:45.425 --> 28:46.907
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, this needs to change.

28:47.667 --> 28:47.828
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?

28:47.908 --> 28:49.910
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just like looking at the weekend, it's entirety.

28:51.611 --> 28:54.194
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm looking at the days I have with Eva, how do I want to spend it?

28:54.274 --> 28:56.336
[SPEAKER_02]: Is there anything I want to do different that day?

28:56.696 --> 28:59.239
[SPEAKER_02]: Or

28:59.523 --> 29:02.875
[SPEAKER_02]: But for me, in order to stay out of overwhelm, I have to play in a head.

29:03.858 --> 29:05.424
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, I already have enough thinking.

29:05.524 --> 29:10.140
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be like trying to do everything the night before, because that's just going to like result in a crash and burn.

29:11.808 --> 29:18.398
[SPEAKER_02]: But then in a dynamic schedule, be willing to look at the day again, that felt like go day by day by day.

29:18.819 --> 29:20.762
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, hey, I said I have this, this is still good.

29:21.042 --> 29:21.984
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, does this still work?

29:22.204 --> 29:23.606
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, will you be here at this time?

29:24.127 --> 29:26.931
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, checking in with your people, checking in with your support.

29:27.192 --> 29:28.173
[SPEAKER_02]: Check in with yourself.

29:28.774 --> 29:29.976
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, can I still do this?

29:30.116 --> 29:32.400
[SPEAKER_02]: Does this still work for me based on the week that I've had?

29:32.600 --> 29:35.284
[SPEAKER_02]: Or what popped up on my schedule?

29:35.872 --> 29:50.308
[SPEAKER_01]: And it sounds like it's it's also about just taking a moment to to plan and remind yourself that your routine, your plan, your habits aren't about controller perfection.

29:50.368 --> 29:54.913
[SPEAKER_01]: They're about safety, trust, and sustainability.

29:54.933 --> 29:55.553
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

29:55.613 --> 30:03.482
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I also like to look at my month, too, because okay, I just feel like I need a lot of time.

30:04.103 --> 30:08.808
[SPEAKER_02]: Like it's, I wish I could just be somebody that like does things, don't we all?

30:08.848 --> 30:09.448
[SPEAKER_02]: And you know what?

30:09.508 --> 30:10.830
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just like, I've been burned.

30:10.910 --> 30:11.831
[SPEAKER_02]: Like this is how I learned.

30:11.851 --> 30:13.132
[SPEAKER_02]: Like put enough pain on something.

30:13.172 --> 30:14.253
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I'm gonna change this.

30:14.774 --> 30:18.838
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, there were so many times where I needed like tights for Eva for something.

30:18.858 --> 30:22.301
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, oh, shoot, that's this weekend and it's Thursday.

30:22.341 --> 30:24.003
[SPEAKER_02]: Can Amazon even get me that this fast?

30:24.023 --> 30:25.284
[SPEAKER_02]: Like one of those things.

30:25.665 --> 30:27.126
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, I'm not doing this anymore.

30:27.166 --> 30:29.609
[SPEAKER_02]: So I will look at the calendar and it's entirety.

30:29.809 --> 30:34.093
[SPEAKER_02]: And I do this multiple times a month.

30:34.748 --> 30:35.731
[SPEAKER_02]: what do we need?

30:36.252 --> 30:37.937
[SPEAKER_02]: Are there any gifts for people's parties?

30:38.157 --> 30:39.260
[SPEAKER_02]: Any appetizers?

30:39.320 --> 30:41.466
[SPEAKER_02]: I already promised I was going to be bringing, right?

30:41.486 --> 30:42.689
[SPEAKER_02]: Go in the store last minute.

30:43.090 --> 30:44.935
[SPEAKER_02]: I've been burned with these things, right?

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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, how can I help myself here?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

30:49.187 --> 30:51.450
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's like, okay, I know I have time on this day.

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[SPEAKER_02]: We're doing these errands.

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[SPEAKER_02]: I'm adding this in.

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[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm really taking like an overview look at it and then I'm going week by week day by day.

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[SPEAKER_02]: What's on my schedule?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Does this still work?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Have I talked to all all things and all people that are in on this plan?

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[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just really looking at myself.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I am the CEO of my life of this schedule.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I can handle what's coming down the pipeline because I'm designing it.

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[SPEAKER_02]: And I can change it if I need to.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Lauren, that's amazing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I know I am personally proud of you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I want to know where can listeners connect with you and learn more about your work.

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[SPEAKER_02]: You can find me on Instagram at lownanny.

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[SPEAKER_02]: That's L-O-N-A-N-I, where you go to my website, LaurenNanny.com about all the good stuff there too, but I'd love to chat with you in the DMs on social, so please come on and say hi.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for being here.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And thank you for modeling.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, modeling what real life consistency actually looks like.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's messy, but it's worth it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It is worth it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And to everyone listening, remember this, you don't need a fresh start.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You need a sustainable rhythm.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for listening to growing up with Dr. Sarah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And let's grow up together.