Talking Gaming, Social Media & Mental Health with Your Kids

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[SPEAKER_01]: So the takeaway message is you bring yourself to social media and social media amplifies whoever you are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Are you raising your family while also feeling like you're still growing out yourself?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Do you wonder if you are getting it right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Or do you ask?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Where's the roadmap to your building?

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[SPEAKER_00]: You happy healthy life!

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[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Growing Up with Dr. Sarah!

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[SPEAKER_00]: She's a pediatrician and a mom, and she helps the whole family.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Hi, I'm Dr. Sarah Adams, a board certified pediatrician.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But I'm not your pediatrician.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Feel free to use my podcast as helpful information.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But in no way do I intend my podcast to replace the advice of your physician.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Your physician knows you and is in the best position to provide medical advice.

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[SPEAKER_03]: It's hard to escape the role technology plays in nearly every facet of our lives.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And there is hardly a parent today who wouldn't agree that social media, gaming, and screen time are now having a big impact on parenting.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And on this episode of Growing Up with Dr. Sarah,

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[SPEAKER_03]: We'll talk about what we can do to support children as they grow up in this ever connected, always on world.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Today's conversation is when I've really been looking forward to, and not only because of the topic, but because of the person I have the honor of speaking with.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Dr. Molly O'Shea is a pediatrician with over thirty years of experience, a parenting expert and a force in pediatric medical entrepreneurship.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Her passion is deeply rooted in lived experiences, both personal and professional, as a mother of five, including neurodiverse and non-binary children, and as someone who's walked through the heart-breaking loss of a child.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Dr. O'Shea brings an extraordinary blend of clinical wisdom and personal understanding to every conversation she's a part of.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Dr. Molly O'Shea, welcome and thank you for being here.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Sarah, I'm so happy to join you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited to have this conversation together and look forward to where it leads.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Absolutely, I know that you and I share this passion of helping families navigate through technology because there's, there's a lot of good to it and but we also want to make sure that we're helping them through the struggles.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So let's set the stage for parents and caregivers on this role of technology and childhood.

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[SPEAKER_03]: From your perspective, how has childhood fundamentally changed in this digital age?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I have the luxury of being old enough to have seen huge shifts in the way children and parents experience the whole gamut of growing up together.

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[SPEAKER_01]: When I began practice in the early nineties technology was really nothing more than a television.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, cell phones weren't really even a part of our everyday experience at that time.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And there was a fundamental understanding as a parent that kids were basically okay, that they were well, that they were competent and kids could get bored and you didn't worry about it and you just went on with your day.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And as things shifted over time, as cultural changes occurred, as parents began to, you know, get more and more concerned about the world around them about what was happening, both culturally, socially, and as technology entered the world for them,

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[SPEAKER_01]: and for their children, the mindset of parents shifted and moved from this place of confidence and sort of assumption that kids were well to a mindset I perceive in my practice life, one of kind of fear to the point of needing to protect, to a mindset that at any moment something could go wrong and I need to curate every decision I make with

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[SPEAKER_01]: thinking it through and researching it because any one wrong decision could be traumatic for my kid.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I feel bad for parents today.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It feels so heavy to be a parent.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And technology woven its way in over the course of that shift over those thirty years.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it came in quietly initially, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And this sort of, wow, you know, when it came to our children, technology could be this great way to help our kids learn.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And to, you know,

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[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't so much an entertainment thought initially.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was more a learning tool, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was the baby Einstein.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was the way to help them learn math or language skills, whatever it was.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so it kind of snuck in under the radar with young kids and with older kids.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It was video games and single player video games really at first.

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[SPEAKER_03]: You're right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, it really was.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then it kind of just grew from there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And parents were really, we all were frankly.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, other than the tech companies who were growing their businesses, we were playing catch-up in understanding how technology was influencing us as individuals, as parents, and influencing our children, too.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I love how you bring up the ketchup because I know as a parent, I would as soon as one platform became available and my kids were involved in and I would just get used to using that.

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[SPEAKER_03]: They were onto another platform and that brings up that you know parenting is in this digital world is something that

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[SPEAKER_03]: as you mentioned, our parents really couldn't have prepared us for.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And so there are some tech related decisions that us as parents need to make.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And we know that parental tech use are own habits, affect young kids, even down to infancy.

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[SPEAKER_03]: How do you see that changing?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Like the relationship of when parents use technology and how it affects our children.

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[SPEAKER_01]: for sure.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I think that's an really important connection to make because it affects children at every stage along their childhood journey.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to go back really quickly to a point you made about parents playing catch up in every way, not just technology.

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[SPEAKER_01]: teenagers and children, frankly, we're learning with our children, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: We've never done it before, with our first, when we have our first child, we've never done it before.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And our goal as parents is to be one step ahead of our children at all times, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: We've got to sort of anticipate what's going to happen for them next and prepare ourselves for that experience with them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And oftentimes, I found as a parent and I see happening with families that I care for,

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[SPEAKER_01]: kids surprise us, you know, yeah, something they do or say or experiencing with something we had not anticipated yet or we thought that was, you know, two years from now or whatever, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: They are, that's their job.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Their job is to be curious and, you know, exploring the world.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So as a result,

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[SPEAKER_01]: Parents have been playing catch-up for millennia, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: It just happens to be now technology is the vehicle that teenagers are using.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And parents and adolescents have always been on different islands, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, slang, language, and language, and music, and all the things are ways for adolescents to

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[SPEAKER_01]: basically say to your parents, you don't know anything about me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's their job.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So the challenge, of course, with technology, is that the neighborhood, which used to be as big as the physical neighborhood were in, became huge.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where I think we really were behind as parents, behind as pediatricians.

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[SPEAKER_01]: in understanding the potential influence of that and the potential benefit of that for kids.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So in the sense of parental use of technology, early adopters of technology like me, I was one of those early adopters love technology.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, oh yes.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was very apt to have my kids

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[SPEAKER_01]: participating using technology, like, ooh, let's find out what this is about.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And being a part of the technology advancement when they were younger,

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it had a double-edged sword, and I think parents see that, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: So even now, parents who are interested in having their kids when they're really young use technology, whether it's the one-year-old to look at and be interested in looking at the family photos or

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, all of that we see that in the office or the two-year-old who's learning the ABCs or whatever they're doing on devices, it becomes double-edged sword because when they get older, they've missed out on opportunities to learn to play in ways that are not digitally oriented.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then when they're put in situations like regular school, hello, where you're not necessarily going to be getting, you know, or stars or some sort of, you know, feedback, every time you get the answer correct, it doesn't feel as exciting.

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[SPEAKER_01]: as your previous experiences with learning and it creates difficulty.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And that really segues into the developmental impacts that technology has.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm not saying it's a bad thing.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Let's start with how screen use in early childhood affects that skill building like play and focus and communication.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So there's been a lot of attempts to understand where is the sweet spot, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: How much?

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[SPEAKER_01]: We understand technology is built in now.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We're not going to roll back and say everybody puts your devices away.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's not going to happen.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So where is the sweet spot where we can participate with our kids or hand or kids, you know, technology and feel like it's okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And for kids who are really young under two, that sweet spot is using technology to facilitate relationship.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So if you're facilitating relationship doing FaceTime with relatives who may not have as much opportunity to be together, that's a thumbs up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You get a thumbs up for that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Good use of technology.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Sounds good.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If you're using it to co-read, let's say, if you've got a digital book or you've got something in that framework and you're using it with your child,

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thumbs up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You get a thumbs up for that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Love it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If, however, you're using it to, if your child's really upset, let's say you've, you've gone out to dinner with your family and your child is getting impatient, sitting there waiting for the meal and is starting to act up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you really are like doing the look around because everybody's staring at you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so you pull out the device to give that to the child using it to help your child emotionally regulate thumbs down.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's not a good use of technology.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It really is a limiting use.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The child then doesn't learn a skill.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They learn to sue themselves.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like giving it's a pacifier of sorts when really a skill building tool is needed in that scenario.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So if you are using it in communion with your child, you're talking through it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean literally in the FaceTime example, or figuratively in the sitting next to in reading,

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's okay.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's okay in part because how long are you possibly going to do that together?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's not going to be two hours of reading together on the thing, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it'll also be somewhat time-limited.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then in those preschool years three to five, those years, same basic rules apply.

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[SPEAKER_01]: limited use with a parent many times though parents begin to the kids are interested they want to do more stop and frankly the parents might want a little break at times like who not to get the laundry done you know it's time to make dinner or you know what I just need a break and that gets to the difference in

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, when my kids were a little, we didn't have technology to give them in the same way.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So, and I was really comfortable with the idea that they could be bored.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They could complain.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They could just be fussy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I would figure, you know what, they'll live, they'll figure it out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, parents have a lot more difficulty sitting with their own discomfort when their kids are uncomfortable.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And technology becomes a quick and easy go to which I'm not judging, but it's just a truth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So if you're going to use technology in those situations.

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[SPEAKER_01]: long form is probably better.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It would probably be better to sit down and have your kid watch a Disney movie on form than two hours hour and a half of YouTube videos or Nick Jr.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So what you're saying is different types of screen time like movies or games or YouTube for have distinctly different impacts on emotional regulation and resilience correct.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The data is still emerging.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't know that we can say that in the data for sure.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But what we do know is that the other types of technology, YouTube's YouTube videos, short form stuff is filled with other kinds of stuff.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's filled with ads.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's filled with content that doesn't show

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[SPEAKER_01]: a variety of different kinds of people or experiences.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And kids are often fed through the algorithm what we call surprise content, which they may or may not be developmentally ready for.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so for those for partially for those reasons, kids also are going to get more bored.

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[SPEAKER_01]: with a long form content and they may walk away and start doing something else.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Whereas with the short form content that's auto fed, you're not going to get that walk away experience.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So kids will self limit differently with a long form experience than with the ongoing short form delivery.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And I really believe that parents and caregivers that are listening can resonate with that.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I know even my own self.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And I try really hard not to do this.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But all of a sudden, I do.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I'm scrolling on some social media and before I know it, two hours have gone by.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I think we can all relate to that.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But what I hear saying is that with a movie, they may not stay in for the long run and then they'll get up and go play and do something else that's engaging and not get with lack of a better term kind of sucked in and maybe down past they shouldn't be going.

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[SPEAKER_01]: right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that that's the opportunity in using technology in a way that is you feel safe from the standpoint of you know what that movie is going to say and do and the whole thing and then if they want to move along they can move along.

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[SPEAKER_03]: If you're looking for information as you're navigating the issues we're discussing here today, please check out the description box below where we'll share resources to help guide you through these moments.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And please like, subscribe, and share with others so they can have access to this useful conversation as well.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I know in my practice too, I get a lot of questions about the games.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, when we're talking about games, there's a lot of quite like, what's harmful?

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[SPEAKER_03]: What's helpful?

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[SPEAKER_03]: They're considering games like Minecraft or Fortnite.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Are all games bad or are there silver linings?

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[SPEAKER_03]: We should be aware of.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think we can ever paint technology with a broad brush.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the technology is neutral to be honest with you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the child, what the child brings to technology is what is going to make or break that experience for them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So a kid who is

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[SPEAKER_01]: kind of very well easy, like can self-regulate really competently, who is very diverse in their interests, who is solidly connected to family and friends.

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[SPEAKER_01]: All of those things are intact.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They have many interests outside of technology worlds.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Is any game going to hurt hurt hurt them?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, maybe a mature game, you know, some game that is truly out of their age scope because it would scare them or, you know, what I mean, it'd be like to do in our movie, it wouldn't want to do that to a seven year old.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But in the sense of a game that is kind of within their age range,

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[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I mean, but if you have a child who is what I often see, or the kids who seem to have more difficulty with games, the parents often are, you know, having some struggles in school or with friends, or he hasn't found his niche yet, whatever those types of things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what, gaming, he's

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[SPEAKER_01]: This is his thing, you know, because these other areas have sort of been more tricky for this child.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And actually, those are the kids for whom gaming may be more problematic in part because gaming is so rewarding.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's built that way that any other type of experience will

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[SPEAKER_01]: pale in comparison and is so much harder, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: So if the kids already having some difficulty building pure relationships or succeeding in other kinds of extracurricular interests or activities,

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[SPEAKER_01]: and is able to succeed because of the way games are built in a digital world.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They're going to even have less interest in the real world as a result.

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[SPEAKER_03]: That sounds, I mean, that absolutely sounds like I would agree with that, and it makes sense to me.

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[SPEAKER_03]: So how does a parent navigate that?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think games have our sort of the, um, the gateway drug.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'll call them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't mean it in that way.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They have some sound like they're bad, which they really aren't.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but, um, you know, games games.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I mean games like even for the three year old that are like the, you know, the games that are learning games.

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[SPEAKER_01]: because honestly Minecraft has a lot of positive qualities to it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You're building, you're creating, you're learning physics, you know, kinds of stuff and architectural things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, there are positive qualities to all of it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And again,

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[SPEAKER_01]: it really depends on the kid.

22:50.062 --> 23:02.611
[SPEAKER_01]: So for parents whose kids are in that niche of, you know, maybe this is going to be tricky for them in life, you know, to sort of find their way.

23:03.452 --> 23:17.446
[SPEAKER_01]: I think, thinking carefully about when to introduce games and, you know, I know parents often talk to me and I'm sure they talk to you about, well, how much time?

23:17.887 --> 23:18.207
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

23:18.627 --> 23:22.972
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, how much time is the right amount of time to spend?

23:23.512 --> 23:26.355
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it seems, parents will talk to me and say, well, you know,

23:27.456 --> 23:28.577
[SPEAKER_01]: He has a half hour.

23:28.717 --> 23:33.699
[SPEAKER_01]: She has a half hour, you know, on weekdays and whatever on the weekends.

23:34.220 --> 23:45.946
[SPEAKER_01]: But as soon as that alarm goes off to end, like all, um, breaks loose and, you know, then the rest of the evenings ruin or it takes them whatever long to re-regulate.

23:47.126 --> 23:48.867
[SPEAKER_01]: Dr. Molly, I hear that all the time.

23:49.107 --> 23:49.447
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

23:49.948 --> 23:50.268
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

23:50.608 --> 23:50.828
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

23:51.108 --> 23:52.449
[SPEAKER_01]: So I say to parents, look,

23:54.013 --> 24:01.457
[SPEAKER_01]: If I came over and you were playing, you know, youaker with your friends, let's say it's Friday night, you're having a youaker party.

24:01.937 --> 24:06.359
[SPEAKER_01]: And I came over and said, hey, time to go right now.

24:06.859 --> 24:08.740
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're in the middle of your youaker hand.

24:09.501 --> 24:11.962
[SPEAKER_01]: You'd be annoyed, right?

24:12.002 --> 24:13.083
[SPEAKER_01]: You'd be really upset.

24:13.783 --> 24:15.984
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think time should be the

24:18.556 --> 24:18.996
[SPEAKER_01]: element.

24:19.736 --> 24:30.921
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it should be how many matches are you going to play if it's Fortnite, for example, and say, okay, you know, and that takes some understanding of the game as a parent.

24:30.961 --> 24:40.224
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to play the game with your child, understand how it works, so that you can have some idea of what's, you know, how many matches make sense.

24:40.884 --> 24:49.346
[SPEAKER_01]: If it's Minecraft, which isn't necessarily competitive in that same way, then you can say, well, you can build X thing today.

24:50.127 --> 24:55.328
[SPEAKER_01]: And when that's built, you know, then you're going to end, okay?

24:55.808 --> 25:02.150
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you don't have it built in X amount of time, then you're going to have to end it.

25:02.270 --> 25:04.651
[SPEAKER_01]: But having a more kind of

25:07.584 --> 25:08.245
[SPEAKER_01]: sensible.

25:09.045 --> 25:09.346
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

25:09.506 --> 25:10.146
[SPEAKER_01]: End point.

25:10.286 --> 25:17.152
[SPEAKER_01]: I think can can really diminish that and do it in collaboration with your child.

25:18.073 --> 25:22.397
[SPEAKER_01]: Not you just dictate, but say, okay, let's talk about it.

25:23.077 --> 25:25.879
[SPEAKER_01]: How many matches do you think is reasonable on a school night?

25:26.399 --> 25:27.460
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that.

25:27.840 --> 25:33.043
[SPEAKER_01]: And by doing in collaboration, I'm not saying your kid will never have a meltdown again.

25:33.063 --> 25:34.765
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just totally unrealistic.

25:34.785 --> 25:39.528
[SPEAKER_01]: Their kids, they're still learning how to handle their emotions.

25:39.628 --> 25:45.932
[SPEAKER_01]: But you increase the likelihood that your kid will buy in to the

25:47.973 --> 25:50.455
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, the whole ball of wax.

25:50.995 --> 25:53.757
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think games have a role to play.

25:53.977 --> 25:59.461
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a kid who played games, not joking, like, twenty four seven.

25:59.501 --> 26:01.282
[SPEAKER_01]: It felt like for years.

26:01.782 --> 26:03.163
[SPEAKER_01]: He works for Epic Games now.

26:03.423 --> 26:04.704
[SPEAKER_01]: He built it all night.

26:05.165 --> 26:09.628
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not here to say games have no role in people's lives.

26:09.748 --> 26:09.968
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean,

26:10.688 --> 26:12.550
[SPEAKER_01]: Dream job for this guy, right?

26:12.610 --> 26:13.790
[SPEAKER_01]: Happy or that?

26:13.830 --> 26:15.211
[SPEAKER_01]: Could you ever imagine being?

26:15.231 --> 26:23.677
[SPEAKER_01]: I think though it has to be considered within the big picture of who is the child.

26:24.078 --> 26:31.463
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you help them learn how to self-regulate their game time and their game use and their other interests?

26:32.784 --> 26:40.670
[SPEAKER_03]: I think that's so important when you mention the child because each child even within a family is individual when it comes to that.

26:40.790 --> 26:51.398
[SPEAKER_03]: So sometimes you have to look at it as it can't be just a one-size-fits-all but communicating with your child and getting them on board at whatever age.

26:51.978 --> 27:04.027
[SPEAKER_03]: I love it that advice that you gave at such good advice because they're more likely to buy in and be cooperative when that time comes where they have to shift to another activity.

27:04.487 --> 27:05.488
[SPEAKER_01]: No promises though.

27:06.668 --> 27:07.089
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree.

27:07.109 --> 27:07.789
[SPEAKER_01]: I agree.

27:08.129 --> 27:11.692
[SPEAKER_03]: As you're saying this, I'm seriously thinking about the times where

27:12.152 --> 27:18.680
[SPEAKER_03]: my son would be like, but I have one more level, just one more level to go and like great tomorrow, be your day.

27:18.700 --> 27:29.854
[SPEAKER_03]: And right, and I don't know about you, but you know, I would have been I was kind of like, okay, one more level and my husband is like, no, you know, not so that that

27:30.394 --> 27:33.376
[SPEAKER_03]: That can be a strain within relationships.

27:33.476 --> 27:34.877
[SPEAKER_01]: How you manage it, right?

27:35.037 --> 27:35.637
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

27:36.218 --> 27:36.578
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

27:36.718 --> 27:41.041
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that this is where the family media plan comes in, I think.

27:41.121 --> 27:50.047
[SPEAKER_01]: The AAP has this amazing family media plan, which I've recommend all the time to families because it encourages

27:51.127 --> 28:03.691
[SPEAKER_01]: all parties to sit down together and come up with not just the kids media use, but the whole each individual family's media use and that way everybody's on board.

28:04.112 --> 28:09.813
[SPEAKER_01]: So in that scenario, you Sarah would be called out for, you know, like

28:12.114 --> 28:19.298
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not to say that you can't ever, like if your kid's home sick or it's like a totally rainy day or whatever.

28:19.538 --> 28:28.942
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to be flexible too, but it's kind of like what it's kind of remember when they were teeny tiny and what's the difference between a bribe and a reward.

28:29.182 --> 28:38.627
[SPEAKER_01]: So you've got to make sure that you go into that time, that game time, having already said,

28:39.767 --> 29:00.541
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we're going to expand today rather than having it happen at the end with an ask because just like the kid who is having a temper tantrum in the grocery store and because they want to buy x, y, or z, and you give in and give it.

29:00.601 --> 29:06.085
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to say if you stop crying and don't cry the whole rest of the way in the store, you'll get the thing you want.

29:06.405 --> 29:07.666
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's bribe, right?

29:08.186 --> 29:13.928
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you go into the store and say, you know what, if you're good, the whole time we're in the store, you'll get why.

29:13.968 --> 29:15.268
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's a reward, right?

29:15.528 --> 29:16.809
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the same outcome.

29:16.909 --> 29:20.450
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just different because you were threatened.

29:20.470 --> 29:23.191
[SPEAKER_01]: The behavior existed in your driving them, right?

29:23.631 --> 29:35.955
[SPEAKER_01]: So in this case, you want to give that freedom before it's asked for in order to liberalize without sort of getting

29:36.995 --> 29:42.557
[SPEAKER_01]: in a situation where every time the kid wants to level up, they don't know.

29:42.697 --> 29:43.497
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you going to agree?

29:43.577 --> 29:44.037
[SPEAKER_01]: Not agree.

29:44.077 --> 29:44.958
[SPEAKER_01]: What's a story here?

29:44.978 --> 29:45.958
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

29:46.598 --> 29:48.459
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's an important difference.

29:49.059 --> 29:50.440
[SPEAKER_03]: And then what is that expression?

29:50.500 --> 29:52.520
[SPEAKER_03]: If you give them an inch, they'll take a while.

29:52.880 --> 29:54.741
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I learned the hard way.

29:54.861 --> 29:56.161
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I do agree.

29:56.181 --> 30:01.103
[SPEAKER_03]: And that is such, like I said, this before, it's such good advice.

30:01.583 --> 30:06.365
[SPEAKER_03]: Because what we're really talking about is that emotional regulation.

30:07.005 --> 30:10.846
[SPEAKER_03]: So let's delve into adolescence.

30:10.866 --> 30:19.408
[SPEAKER_03]: It's impossible to talk about adolescence and not talk about the effects and the impact of social media on mental health.

30:19.928 --> 30:23.749
[SPEAKER_03]: You and I being again very passionate about this.

30:24.529 --> 30:26.189
[SPEAKER_03]: Will you share Dr. Molly?

30:26.269 --> 30:27.930
[SPEAKER_03]: What is the current data?

30:28.230 --> 30:33.631
[SPEAKER_03]: What is the current data tell us about teen mental health and its connection to social media use?

30:34.011 --> 30:38.438
[SPEAKER_03]: because so many parents are saying, yeah, I know I should limit this.

30:38.819 --> 30:42.024
[SPEAKER_03]: I know it's bad, but they're trying to get control.

30:42.124 --> 30:47.493
[SPEAKER_03]: But the data is really could be some positive things, too.

30:47.920 --> 30:55.206
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well, first of all, I'll say that the world has certainly sent a strong message.

30:55.866 --> 31:15.843
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody from the previous surgeon general to the lay media has sent this message strongly, essentially, that social media has ruined our children, that it's created an anxious, depressed mental health crisis.

31:17.223 --> 31:34.750
[SPEAKER_01]: And I can say that as someone who works as a ambassador for the Center of Excellence on youth and social media, it's the American Academy of Pediatrics has a Center of Excellence and it's co-sponsored with SAMHSA.

31:35.910 --> 31:39.712
[SPEAKER_01]: And the goal of this whole Center of Excellence is to

31:41.014 --> 31:48.422
[SPEAKER_01]: actually look at all the published data from across the world about the relationship.

31:48.462 --> 31:52.446
[SPEAKER_01]: And social media is not, I'm giving a long answer, but I think it's important.

31:53.006 --> 31:58.372
[SPEAKER_01]: Social media is not just Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

31:58.412 --> 31:59.433
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what we think.

31:59.813 --> 32:00.975
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also YouTube.

32:01.916 --> 32:03.657
[SPEAKER_01]: It's multiplayer gaming.

32:04.478 --> 32:11.683
[SPEAKER_01]: It's any platform in which you can interact in a way with other users.

32:12.423 --> 32:21.049
[SPEAKER_01]: So that covers a broad spectrum, and much broader than we think about, or that I thought about at least.

32:22.150 --> 32:25.993
[SPEAKER_01]: And in looking at the research, all of that research,

32:27.402 --> 32:32.444
[SPEAKER_01]: It is clear that teen mental health has changed.

32:32.724 --> 32:33.385
[SPEAKER_01]: We know that.

32:33.565 --> 32:34.185
[SPEAKER_01]: We see it.

32:34.265 --> 32:35.025
[SPEAKER_01]: We feel it.

32:35.105 --> 32:35.906
[SPEAKER_01]: Parents feel it.

32:35.946 --> 32:36.786
[SPEAKER_01]: Teams feel it.

32:37.646 --> 32:48.911
[SPEAKER_01]: When you dive in and look at the role that social media and technology is played, if you parse that out and look at it as a standalone feature,

32:50.331 --> 32:51.293
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not it.

32:52.774 --> 32:55.478
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not screen time not hit.

32:56.218 --> 32:56.639
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

32:57.800 --> 33:00.784
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's very interesting.

33:01.244 --> 33:02.666
[SPEAKER_01]: There there may be a

33:04.957 --> 33:26.214
[SPEAKER_01]: little blip as a part of it, it is absolutely not the root cause and which is shocking when I share this with audiences across the country because the assumption is that I'm going to talk about how do you limit use?

33:27.455 --> 33:33.840
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that's what people expect to hear and there are certain adolescents

33:34.540 --> 33:37.341
[SPEAKER_01]: for whom it is a problem, for sure.

33:37.361 --> 33:37.421
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

33:38.462 --> 33:42.063
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's how it's framed to understand.

33:43.303 --> 33:58.549
[SPEAKER_01]: Just like the five-year-old or seven-year-old, for whom gaming may be difficult to manage, some adolescents are already bringing themselves to social media with baggage.

33:59.369 --> 33:59.629
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay?

33:59.669 --> 34:01.150
[SPEAKER_01]: That's how we'll think about it, right?

34:01.430 --> 34:01.710
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

34:01.730 --> 34:03.711
[SPEAKER_01]: They're already experiencing

34:05.286 --> 34:11.930
[SPEAKER_01]: some anxiety, some depression, some distance or disconnect from their parents.

34:13.271 --> 34:23.958
[SPEAKER_01]: And those factors and the fourth factor is their parents may be heavy social media users.

34:24.918 --> 34:38.015
[SPEAKER_01]: So those factors are the ones that are most apt to be indicative of kids who are going to have difficulty when they are using social media.

34:38.515 --> 34:39.496
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'll repeat those.

34:39.737 --> 34:40.438
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, please do.

34:40.898 --> 35:06.784
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so adolescents who are already experiencing anxiety, depression who are disconnected or have a dysfunctional relationship with their parents or whose parents are heavy users of social media are more likely to have problems themselves and have worsening of their symptoms when they use social media.

35:07.964 --> 35:10.205
[SPEAKER_01]: So the takeaway message is

35:11.426 --> 35:18.139
[SPEAKER_01]: You bring yourself to social media and social media amplifies whoever you are.

35:19.631 --> 35:38.306
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you bring yourself a happy go lucky person who's pretty well balanced, you're going to spend more time in your scroll screen looking at cat videos and happy positive things.

35:38.946 --> 35:43.290
[SPEAKER_01]: You are not as likely to be spending more time looking at

35:44.434 --> 36:00.287
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I manage depression or spending more time looking at stuff that kind of either reinforces your anxiety or is angry or upset content which then fuels?

36:05.091 --> 36:15.514
[SPEAKER_01]: that those feelings of sadness, disappointment, anxiety, inadequacy, you're eating disorder, whatever it is you're bringing.

36:16.635 --> 36:33.180
[SPEAKER_03]: Some parents, I feel aren't really aware that their child is potentially struggling or having an emotional effect, even going into it, like you said,

36:33.720 --> 36:41.784
[SPEAKER_03]: What are some of the red flags that parents can look for in their adolescent?

36:42.004 --> 36:43.945
[SPEAKER_03]: And no, okay, these are some red flags.

36:44.525 --> 36:47.507
[SPEAKER_03]: I should talk to my adolescent.

36:47.547 --> 36:50.068
[SPEAKER_03]: I should talk to my pediatrician, for example.

36:51.317 --> 36:54.158
[SPEAKER_01]: I think some teenagers are really tricky, right?

36:54.618 --> 36:55.659
[SPEAKER_01]: And they really are.

36:56.359 --> 37:02.321
[SPEAKER_01]: And honest to goodness, you and I know Sarah that we have these teenagers come in for their wellness exam.

37:02.761 --> 37:05.102
[SPEAKER_01]: And we have them do their screening questionnaires, right?

37:05.202 --> 37:06.943
[SPEAKER_01]: For anxiety and depression.

37:07.543 --> 37:17.707
[SPEAKER_01]: And the screening questionnaires come up in some shocking way in the sense of showing significant mental health concerns.

37:18.427 --> 37:20.107
[SPEAKER_01]: And the parents are stunned.

37:20.408 --> 37:22.308
[SPEAKER_01]: They've have no idea, right?

37:22.388 --> 37:28.829
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the teenager wears this mask of, you know, I'm okay.

37:29.370 --> 37:30.490
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't worry about me.

37:31.310 --> 37:31.990
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm all good.

37:32.690 --> 37:33.010
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

37:33.670 --> 37:44.773
[SPEAKER_01]: Once we begin to talk about and peel back the layers, the parents do begin to think differently and can see, oh.

37:45.732 --> 37:46.633
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know what?

37:46.653 --> 37:53.318
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so some of those, oh yeah, you know what's RDs, right?

37:53.618 --> 38:01.364
[SPEAKER_01]: So that even the trickiest adolescent, if you really give it some thought, you might begin to see some of these things.

38:02.224 --> 38:09.430
[SPEAKER_01]: A kid in that twin or teen age year who previously was

38:11.371 --> 38:25.202
[SPEAKER_01]: pretty much always willing to participate in a family dinner or go with you shopping or play a game with you who is now

38:27.303 --> 38:53.805
[SPEAKER_01]: really not ever wanting to do that or that's a that's a red flag and parents are often likely to put that red flag up to oh you know what they've they've finally became a teenager that may be true but I think it's still something to put in your mind's eye and think am I going to add this to a list of these other things okay so a teenager who is also

38:55.591 --> 38:58.152
[SPEAKER_01]: having friend issues, okay?

38:58.552 --> 39:10.914
[SPEAKER_01]: They might have, you know, realigned with a different friend group, or they might have had falling out with the friends that they've had, but not yet found the new group, whatever.

39:10.934 --> 39:19.236
[SPEAKER_01]: Those are also times when the parent looks back and go, oh yeah, yeah, that brings true.

39:21.077 --> 39:28.640
[SPEAKER_01]: teenagers who are middle school high school, who have stepped away from, which often happens, right?

39:28.660 --> 39:38.104
[SPEAKER_01]: They've stepped away from their organized activities at the parents of helped structure and organize up through grade school and haven't filled a gap at all.

39:38.965 --> 39:47.849
[SPEAKER_01]: So they haven't found a new activity or a thing to occupy space in their life.

39:48.689 --> 40:07.268
[SPEAKER_01]: whether that be a different sport or a big interest, extracurricular interest with other students, or even an individual interest of writing or art, they're just seem to have nothing new.

40:08.309 --> 40:20.737
[SPEAKER_01]: At a time in life when we know that adolescence is a time of huge curiosity and brain growth and interest in learning new things.

40:21.437 --> 40:23.919
[SPEAKER_01]: That's another kind of subtle red flag.

40:24.599 --> 40:34.806
[SPEAKER_01]: The ones we know about the parents I think are tuned into is a kid who's grades have shifted from being a great student to being kind of one who's mediocre.

40:35.527 --> 40:40.951
[SPEAKER_01]: A kid who is withdrawn from all activities even ones with their friends.

40:41.671 --> 40:56.835
[SPEAKER_01]: A kid who is being secretive or seeming to be hiding things from a parent who, and the parent is getting that suspicious feeling, that's often a red flag that they are hiding something.

40:56.915 --> 40:59.076
[SPEAKER_01]: It may not be what the parent thinks it is.

40:59.456 --> 41:02.057
[SPEAKER_01]: It may be their emotional self that they're hiding.

41:03.537 --> 41:10.779
[SPEAKER_01]: And then of course, the kid who is irritable all the time, who's lashing out and kind of that,

41:11.219 --> 41:27.008
[SPEAKER_01]: cranky kid often those emotions indicate depression or extreme anxiety and because they're walking along the edge of a cliff at all times trying to keep their balance from falling over any time you go over and

41:27.688 --> 41:31.351
[SPEAKER_01]: kind of figuratively tap them on the shoulder to ask them a question.

41:31.391 --> 41:34.254
[SPEAKER_01]: They lash out because they're afraid they're going to fall off the clip.

41:34.815 --> 41:38.138
[SPEAKER_01]: So those are things to look for as well.

41:38.578 --> 41:41.120
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you so much for sharing that.

41:41.521 --> 41:45.905
[SPEAKER_03]: I know that those that are listening are really going to benefit from that information because

41:46.485 --> 42:02.370
[SPEAKER_03]: I agree there are times where I do have kids come into the office and the parents are blindsided and so it could be one or two of those things that you mentioned or they could add up and and again you might not think too much about one

42:02.850 --> 42:08.252
[SPEAKER_03]: or two of them, but then when you really look at the big picture, so thank you so much for sharing that.

42:08.672 --> 42:12.213
[SPEAKER_03]: But there are positive aspects to the access, right?

42:12.313 --> 42:13.433
[SPEAKER_03]: Many apps online.

42:13.793 --> 42:18.975
[SPEAKER_03]: So what are some best practices for teens when they're seeking that community online?

42:19.255 --> 42:34.665
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and I think because the majority of, we talk a lot about teenage mental health, and we think as a result, I think of all of the press and conversation we have about it, that implication is that every teenager is struggling, well, they're not, actually.

42:34.685 --> 42:38.427
[SPEAKER_01]: The majority of teenagers are doing fine.

42:38.568 --> 42:42.930
[SPEAKER_01]: So for the majority of teenagers who are doing fine, thank you.

42:43.170 --> 42:44.331
[SPEAKER_01]: We appreciate you.

42:44.691 --> 42:46.453
[SPEAKER_01]: Please come into the office more often.

42:47.253 --> 42:59.077
[SPEAKER_01]: In addition to that, those are the kids for whom, you know, technology, social media is not only, you know, fine, but it can be a really good thing.

42:59.717 --> 43:01.438
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's an opportunity.

43:01.498 --> 43:03.178
[SPEAKER_01]: You can learn all kinds of stuff.

43:03.238 --> 43:05.059
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, think back to the pandemic.

43:05.499 --> 43:07.180
[SPEAKER_01]: did you make sourdough syrup?

43:07.560 --> 43:18.465
[SPEAKER_01]: So you can learn stuff is my point and teenagers in this time of curiosity they're exploring all sorts of stuff and so it's a great way to learn new things.

43:18.845 --> 43:23.668
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also a major way that teens connect with one another.

43:24.868 --> 43:47.462
[SPEAKER_01]: So, especially not just, but in addition to the normal connecting that teenagers do through Snapchat or whatever, it's also a way that kids who might be in a group that is, I don't love the word marginalized, but a group that you might not have a lot of other people like you in your community.

43:47.942 --> 43:54.625
[SPEAKER_01]: So the LGBTQ plus community, for example, you might be, oh, but it may not be only that community.

43:54.685 --> 44:02.888
[SPEAKER_01]: It might also be a racial minority that's in a community and there may not be as many people that look or experience life the way you do.

44:03.688 --> 44:16.433
[SPEAKER_01]: Social media has the opportunity to give these kids a really great way to connect with other teenagers at a lessons in other communities and just

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, honestly, just kind of hang out virtually and compare notes, honestly, and get support from one another and make sure that, you know, they've got their peeps.

44:29.727 --> 44:33.411
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that is a huge, huge, huge plus.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, I think about like even myself and some of the Facebook groups.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And I know adolescents are really on Facebook.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But we're ancient zero.

44:43.802 --> 44:44.943
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like I just call it as we see it here.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But in their platforms.

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[SPEAKER_03]: They gain support from each other.

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[SPEAKER_03]: They gain ideas.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe they're planning events.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I love to see them also have some agency in how they can help in their community and their society and all of those things.

45:06.645 --> 45:07.966
[SPEAKER_03]: So I agree.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Most are doing just fine.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But I do think that we would be remiss if we didn't bring up a really challenging and maybe even triggering topic for some of those that are listening and that is like suicide prevention or just emotional safety.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And I know I'm kind of going back to what we were talking about when we mentioned about

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[SPEAKER_03]: attains and identifying those red flags.

45:35.015 --> 45:46.842
[SPEAKER_03]: But now let's shift back to like what advice do you give families for starting the conversation when they are concerned about their kids?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that the more transparent and open parents can be with their adolescents and even younger

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[SPEAKER_01]: the better.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think trying to beat around the bush or put things quote gently has no role if you are that concerned.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I've lost a child to suicide and I know how

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[SPEAKER_01]: difficult it is to bring up the topic with a child and I also know how essential it is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So my advice to parents who have concerns about any child, like even a eight year old, honestly.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, using real developmentally appropriate words.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So for a younger kid to say, you know, you seem really sad lately or it seems like things are hard for you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Tell me why.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then open and a question.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And let them talk and say whatever they're going to say.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can follow up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And if you are concerned about their interest in hurting themselves, you can to an eight year old, you can say, do you ever feel like you would hurt yourself?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Or do you ever feel like you wish you'd fall asleep and never wake up?

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[SPEAKER_01]: and let them answer.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you will not plant that seed.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You will not even in an eight-year-old's mind.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If the seed has, if it exists in their mind, it exists.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If they are not thinking yet, they'll say, no, why would you think that?

47:59.080 --> 48:02.686
[SPEAKER_01]: And you can say, well, you know what, I'm just a crazy parent.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes I worry about stuff that's just crazy.

48:07.233 --> 48:10.739
[SPEAKER_01]: You know me, you know, and you can play it off.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But that way, you've

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[SPEAKER_01]: First of all, let them know that they can tell you anything, anytime forever, and you've gotten your concern addressed.

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[SPEAKER_01]: As kids get older, I think the questions can get more developmentally advanced, and for a middle schooler,

48:37.922 --> 48:51.067
[SPEAKER_01]: I think asking open-ended questions is important, especially in middle school, or if you are, if their behavior is one of those every time you ask them something, they're like, why are you asking me that?

48:51.167 --> 48:53.728
[SPEAKER_02]: All you do is ask me questions.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They're in that kind of aggressive anti-social with you sort of phase.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think asking pointed questions maybe

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[SPEAKER_01]: May just start a fight and nobody wants a fight.

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[SPEAKER_01]: No.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Instead, I would suggest saying, right now, it seems like anytime we talk, I say the wrong thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm so sad because I feel like

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[SPEAKER_01]: your sad or angry or mad and

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[SPEAKER_01]: I just want you to know that you can talk to me and I will just listen and not say a thing.

49:51.829 --> 49:52.129
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then let them and say, is there anything you want to talk about?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And they will say, no, why would I want to talk to you?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you can say, that's fine.

50:05.719 --> 50:07.780
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I'm, that's great.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I have, I do need to know one thing because I'm worried.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I need you to answer this one question.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What is it?

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[SPEAKER_01]: They'll say, what is it?

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We all know that conversation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You'll say to them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Are you going to hurt yourself?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Do you feel like you are feeling bad enough that you would hurt yourself or kill yourself?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then there will be this long silence probably or there will be an immediate know what are you talking about or there will be a long silence.

50:51.415 --> 50:56.158
[SPEAKER_01]: And if there's a long silence, you can say, you don't have to answer that right now.

50:57.199 --> 51:07.005
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm going to make an appointment so that you can talk to the pediatrician about it because I don't need you to talk to me.

51:08.005 --> 51:09.907
[SPEAKER_01]: But you need to talk to somebody.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Dr. Maui, that's so good.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, these are hard sensitive conversations to have and my eyes are welling up to Stephen thinking about it because I know you personally have experienced this and I've experienced this in my practice and I'm so glad that we're having this conversation and

51:38.895 --> 51:45.919
[SPEAKER_03]: I want to also mention the Center for Excellence in Social Media and Youth Mental Health.

51:45.959 --> 51:48.521
[SPEAKER_03]: The Dr. Molly mentioned today.

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[SPEAKER_03]: We will have in our discussion box for this episode below the information, not just on how you can find that social media plan, which I highly recommend through the AAP.

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[SPEAKER_03]: But also through the center of excellence, they have some amazing conversation starter cards.

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[SPEAKER_03]: There's information and resources on that site, just like we're discussing today to start those sensitive, very hard conversations.

52:25.631 --> 52:29.954
[SPEAKER_01]: to have for younger kids, with younger kids and for teenagers.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's great that way.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And just to just, you know, for listeners right now, if this conversation was at all difficult for you, just know you can always text nine eight eight.

52:43.805 --> 52:46.086
[SPEAKER_01]: The suicide prevention hotline.

52:46.487 --> 52:47.888
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also a crisis hotline.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to be having difficulty at the moment.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has resources available.

52:56.253 --> 53:00.415
[SPEAKER_01]: And the AAP also has a blueprint for Suicide Prevention.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So there are lots of resources available for anybody who is looking for support right now.

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[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, yes.

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[SPEAKER_03]: together as pediatricians and also as our mission to talk about technology and media, we want to create hope.

53:21.524 --> 53:23.104
[SPEAKER_03]: We want to create solutions.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And if you could give parents of children one piece of advice about raising emotionally healthy tech savvy children, what would it be, Dr. Molly?

53:37.637 --> 53:49.603
[SPEAKER_01]: My advice for parents would be that technology and kids only go together if the parent is a part of that triad.

53:50.324 --> 53:51.524
[SPEAKER_01]: It's three things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's parents, kids, and technology.

53:55.206 --> 54:05.032
[SPEAKER_01]: And by being a part of that experience all throughout, you will teach digital literacy

54:05.852 --> 54:13.977
[SPEAKER_01]: You will help your kids by saying things like, what do you think that that creator wanted you to think or do or feel?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You'll teach them how to get rid of the pop-up ads right away and you'll know what they're watching.

54:22.161 --> 54:23.502
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll make them savvy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think technology is great.

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[SPEAKER_01]: As I mentioned before, I'm an early adopter.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I have a kid who works for Epic Games.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I love technology.

54:35.111 --> 54:48.837
[SPEAKER_01]: I think having parents really a part of their kids, technology experience throughout is the key.

54:49.622 --> 55:16.808
[SPEAKER_01]: and having it be a collaborative open conversational experience is really important because it's really not about just lowering the boom and having some sort of rigid set of whatever it's about helping your child learn how to regulate themselves, learn how to set limits,

55:17.848 --> 55:20.470
[SPEAKER_01]: And on their own eventually, right?

55:21.430 --> 55:30.955
[SPEAKER_01]: And help them see by asking good questions, how do you think it made you feel when you had to stop playing?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Did you like that feeling?

55:34.837 --> 55:37.539
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you really want to feel that way every time?

55:38.319 --> 55:43.362
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you think we could make it easier for you when you have to stop playing?

55:44.699 --> 55:49.651
[SPEAKER_01]: which is really different than, you know, you have a temper tantrum every time you have to stop playing.

55:49.711 --> 55:51.476
[SPEAKER_01]: So you're not gonna play games anymore.

55:53.310 --> 55:53.590
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.

55:53.950 --> 55:54.531
[SPEAKER_03]: I do know.

55:54.731 --> 55:55.391
[SPEAKER_03]: I do.

55:55.811 --> 55:56.612
[SPEAKER_02]: We've all done it.

55:57.032 --> 56:00.614
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, of course we have, but we've all done it.

56:00.654 --> 56:04.976
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, he even got sprayed the first ones who were like, oh, we're so perfect.

56:05.036 --> 56:06.336
[SPEAKER_02]: No, we are totally not.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We are flawed parents like everyone else.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?

56:09.558 --> 56:10.038
[SPEAKER_01]: It's okay.

56:10.398 --> 56:12.860
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that's the message.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's parents and kids.

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[SPEAKER_01]: with technology.

56:17.626 --> 56:19.446
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yes, I would agree.

56:20.107 --> 56:25.909
[SPEAKER_03]: What gives you hope when you look at the next generation growing up with all of this?

56:26.470 --> 56:38.115
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I've had the pleasure and the great opportunity and honor to talk to teenagers about technology use as part of this center of excellence thing.

56:39.081 --> 56:40.902
[SPEAKER_01]: They are super smart, okay?

56:41.302 --> 56:51.268
[SPEAKER_01]: These kids, honest to goodness, they know, they're like, I need some tools so I can scroll less.

56:51.869 --> 57:05.817
[SPEAKER_01]: I wanna, some of them are using the digital glossary that we have on the center of excellence to set their own limits so that they can turn off the auto scrolling and, you know, not have pop ups on YouTube.

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[SPEAKER_01]: they want to have more agency.

57:11.963 --> 57:14.565
[SPEAKER_01]: And that gives me great hope, you know?

57:14.585 --> 57:18.749
[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like they're putting their phones down more often than I am.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, honestly, so I think we have a lot to be hopeful about.

57:24.254 --> 57:32.342
[SPEAKER_03]: I would agree, Dr. Molly, your openness, strength, and commitment to these issues are powerful and incredibly important.

57:33.394 --> 57:36.475
[SPEAKER_03]: Where can audiences find more about what you do?

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[SPEAKER_03]: And thank you so much for being here to talk with me today.

57:40.837 --> 57:41.397
[SPEAKER_01]: I've loved it.

57:41.417 --> 57:42.738
[SPEAKER_01]: It's been a great conversation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I've got, I've got a website, which is Dr. Molly Oshay.com.

57:48.600 --> 57:49.600
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm on Instagram.

57:49.620 --> 57:52.942
[SPEAKER_01]: That's my major social, which is Dr. DOC-T-O-R.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Molly Oshay.

57:57.617 --> 58:01.799
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you so much, and again, thank you for being so open.

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[SPEAKER_03]: There was so fun.

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[SPEAKER_03]: I appreciate it.

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[SPEAKER_03]: That was great.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And to you watching and listening at home, if you find this conversation compelling and helpful, please like, subscribe, and share it with others.

58:16.566 --> 58:18.987
[SPEAKER_03]: And reach out and leave me a voice memo.

58:19.327 --> 58:26.451
[SPEAKER_03]: If there are topics you'd like me to talk about here on Growing Up with Dr. Sarah, that could help you on this journey to parenting.

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[SPEAKER_03]: And until next time, I'm Dr. Sarah Adams and let's grow up together.